马萨诸塞州 布罗克顿
一年前
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ANON
匿名字幕组
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原创翻译 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
你他妈的知道自己在干嘛吗 What the fuck are you doing?
翻译 只嗷 Cynthia
黛尔 第一季 第五集
翻译 Mango Lynn
第五章
校对 Todan Polaris
后期 Sherlockkkkk
总监 Sherlockkkkk
该你了 All right, now you try.
我做不到的 I can't do it!
-妈妈来吧 你可以的 -我不行 - Mom, come on. Yes, you can. - No!
扫描二维码 微博搜索 ANON匿名字幕组 关注我们吧
来嘛 Come on!
-好吧 -准备好了吗 - Okay. - You ready?
-准备好了 -来吧 - All right. - Yeah.
-一 二... - One... - Two...
-来吧 -来 一 二... - Okay. - Okay, one, two...
我做不到 Oh, I can't do it.
我不行 I can't do it.
我呛了... The water...
好多水 差点没淹死 gets up my nose and I... I start drowning.
除非和你爹69式 I'm not meant to be upside down.
我是不会把自己倒过来的 Not unless your father's behind me.
天啊 妈 少恶心人了 Oh, Jesus, Ma. Don't be disgusting.
不然你以为你是怎么造出来的 How do you think you got here?
浅水区 请勿潜水
又开始撩骚小伙子了 Oh, my God. Will you stop?
他好像还是我们学校的呢 I think he goes in my school.
如果他真是你们学校的 Well, if he goes to your school,
你才应该去撩他 then you should be the one flirting with him.
没兴趣 I'm good.
别这样 他瞅着还不赖 Come on, he's half decent.
工作不错 可能还有辆车 Good job, maybe he's got a car.
我真没兴趣 I said, I'm good.
什么情况 心有所属了吗 男孩还是女孩 What is it, another boy? Another girl?
说什么呢 妈 Jesus, Ma!
我才不管那些呢 你开心就好了 I don't give a shit. As long as you're happy
当然她还得有辆车 and she's got a car.
我现在没兴趣谈男朋友 就这样 I just don't really want a boyfriend right now, that's all.
谁家十四岁花季少女不想处个对象呀 What kind of 14-year-old girl doesn't want a boyfriend?
我很忙 I'm busy.
-忙啥 -忙着做事 - Busy with what? - With stuff.
我在考虑要不要竞选学生会主席 I'm thinking of running for Class President.
等等 真的吗 Oh wait, for real?
是啊 可能吧 我也不知道 Yeah. I mean, maybe. I just... I don't know.
不知道像我这样的人 会不会有人投票 I don't know if I'm the type of person that people would vote for.
会不会有人喜欢都不一定 所以再看吧 Not really. Even like or whatever, so.
为什么没人喜欢你 Why wouldn't they like ya?
你聪明 善良 长得又这么好看 You're smart, you're kind, you're pretty.
还会水下倒立 You can do a frigging underwater handstand!
-妈妈... -如果是我 肯定投你 - Ma... - I'm just saying, I would vote for ya.
说起这个 Hey, you know what?
我都没毕过业 说不定我可以重新回去 I never actually graduated. Maybe I can go back and
念完高中 这样就能给你投票了 finish the tenth grade just so I can vote for ya.
万分感谢 我相信你这至关重要的一票 Oh, yeah, thanks. I'm sure your one vote
一定能助我一举登顶 would really just send me over the top.
没准呢 Maybe.
我说不好 可能我就是那种平平庸庸不出风头的人吧 I don't know. I'm just not the type of person that people notice, so.
一天就这么埋头读书 有人注意到你才怪呢 Well, how are they gonna notice ya if your nose is always in a book?
反正 大学招生委员会能注意到我就行了 Okay, well, college admissions officers will notice me, so...
听着 轮到我来教教你了 Here. It's my turn to teach you something.
多娜
主动出击全力以赴 才能得到你想要的 If you want something, you gotta go out and get it.
人们喜欢你的话 想要什么都唾手可得了 And you can get anything you want if people like ya.
诀窍在于凸显你自已的优势 It's all about accentuating what you already got.
不想打击你 但你的胸是发育不起来了 Now, I'd like to tell you the titties are coming, but they're not.
咱家两边的女人 From both sides of the family,
自古以来都是飞机场 you come from a long line of tit-less women.
所以展现其他方面的魅力吧 So turn up the charm.
小帅哥 Hey, handsome.
请来两杯椰林飘香 Uh, two pinas coladas, please.
由白朗姆酒 凤梨汁 和柠檬汁调制而成的鸡尾酒
一杯无酒精[处女]的给她 Uh, make one of 'em virgin for her,
或者半酒精[半处女] 我也不确定 or half-virgin. I'm not sure.
妈... Ma...
你可以把它先记在账单上 And can you just, uh, add it to the tab
写在二一九房间下就行 you got going from 219?
名字是 And the name?
格拉西艾拉·坎珀斯 Graciella Campos.
-谢谢您 坎珀斯小姐 -谢谢 - Thank you, Ms. Campos. - Thank you.
怎么了嘛 What?
一丢丢小谎而已 It's just a teeny tiny little lie.
真的格拉西艾拉会对这笔消费提出异议 所以没有受害者 不算犯罪 The real Graciella would dispute the charges, victimless crime.
莫非你刚说的不是受害人的名字和罪行喽 Okay. Well, you just named the victim and the crime.
而你前一秒才告诉我 如果人们喜欢你 Plus, you literally just said if people like you,
想要什么都唾手可得 you can get whatever you want.
有时吧 Well, sometimes,
想让人们喜欢你 最好就别做自己 to get people to like you, you gotta not be you at all.
我尿急 I gotta piss wicked.
记住 Okay, now remember,
你是格拉西艾拉·坎珀斯的女儿 you're the daughter of Graciella Campos,
我们从费城来 来参加医疗器材销售大会 we're visiting from Philly for the medical supply convention.
就随便编点小细节 让他们相信 Just give 'em some details that sound like you're the kid
你是卖医疗器械家的孩子 of someone that sells doctor shit.
天啊 谢了 妈 Well, gee, thanks, Ma.
任务很艰巨啊 You're really giving me a lot to work with here.
你能不能去和那个救生员谈谈天说说爱 Will you please flirt with that lifeguard?
-让他帮你给身上抹点身体乳什么的 -天哪 又来 - Have him rub some of this on you, okay? - Stop! Jesus!
那是我女儿 That's my daughter.
可能是只负鼠 Could be a possum.
它他妈喵喵叫呢 It's fuckin' meowin'.
负鼠会喵吗 Possums don't fuckin' meow.
你是突然成负鼠博士了还是咋的 All of a sudden, you got a fucking PhD in possums now?
负鼠博士 你知道点啥 A Possum hD? What the fuck do you know?
你龟儿脑壳进水老 这就是只猫 It's a fucking cat, you idiot.
我们说不定能留下它 起个名字叫德雷克 Maybe we can keep 'em. Name him Drake.
养什么猫养猫 我看你像猫 We're not keepin' that fuckin' cat.
妈卖批的锤啥呢锤 Hey, what the fuck are you doing? Hey!
我要把它从墙里吓出来 它们讨厌这个声音 I'm just scaring 'em out of the wall. They hate this shit.
知道谁还讨厌这个声音吗 You know who else hates this fucking shit? Huh?
你爹我 消停点 Me. Cut it out.
让你别锤你偏锤 完了吧 负鼠精 I fucking told you. Meowing possums.
我说没说过 在房子里搞破坏后果很严重 What'd I tell you about hitting in this household, huh?
你妈和你妹呢 Now, where's your mother and your sister?
你妈不回短信 Your ma's not answerin' her texts.
不知道 妈说什么 I don't know. Ma mentioned something
共享女生时光还是什么 about goin' on a girls' day or some shit.
她说啥 什么时候说的 She said what? When'd she say that?
我问她我能不能去时 她告诉我的 When I asked her if I could come.
滚吧 愁死个人 Get out. You're killing me.
我们怎么从来不一起共享男生时光呢 Hey, how come we never do a boys' day?
受不了这俩肉头猪了 Because I can't stand you two. Fuck!
-你怎么卖我呢你 -我不早提醒你了嘛 - What the fuck is your deal? - I got you good.
让你别锤墙了 I have told you...
-别打 别打我 -先解决猫 就打你 - Take it, take it easy. - We got the cat. Boom!
打扰一下 Excuse me.
能问一下您是和谁一起的吗 Can I ask who it was you were staying with again?
我是... Uh, I'm, uh...
格拉西艾拉的女儿 Graciella's kid.
坎珀斯 Um, Campos.
我们来这里参加那个...医疗器材销售大会 We're here with the, um, the medical supply convention.
那个 她是 我妈妈 我妈 Well, you know, she is. My mom.
她是个医生 She's a doctor. You know,
检测心脏啥的 heart monitors.
她 她是我妈 And, uh, she's my mom.
出什么状况了 What the hell's going on over here?
有人不经过格拉西艾拉·坎珀斯的允许 Someone's been charging items to Graciella Campos' account
在她账户上扣费 without Graciella's permission.
是吗 我就是格拉西艾拉 Yeah? Well, I'm Graciella.
这事你们深入调查了吗 And did you get to the bottom of the particular situation?
我非常抱歉 女士 I'm terribly sorry, ma'am.
可能是登记处那边混淆了 Perhaps there was a mix-up at the register.
不好意思 登记处没搞错 Uh, I'm sorry, There's no mix-up.
我才是格拉西艾拉·坎珀斯 I'm Graciella Campos.
这应该就是另一件 And that must be the other bathing suit
记到我房间账上的泳衣吧 that was charged to my room.
小姐 你的泳衣是哪买的 Where'd you get the bathing suit, miss?
我这件是从... Oh, I got this at, um...
她都气到语塞了 我也是 She's speechless. As am I.
简直令人怒不可遏 I mean, this is a goddamn outrage.
我不知道这丑老太婆是谁 I don't know who this hag is,
她是个骗子 我才是格拉西艾拉·坎珀斯 this swindler, but I'm Graciella Campos.
好啊 好啊 这是认真的吗 Oh! Okay, okay, is this for real?
如果你真是格拉西艾拉 证明给我看啊 If she's the real raciella, then prove it.
身份证带了吗 You got ID on you?
-你家泳衣有地方放身份证吗 -是吗 - I'm wearing a friggin' tankini! - Oh, yeah?
我可带着身份证呢 Well, I do.
你这六耳猕猴 You motherfucker!
你才六耳猕猴呢 贱人精 That's Mrs. Campos to you, bitch!
好了 我们会采取一切措施 All right. We wanna do everything we can
避免这场闹剧愈演愈烈 to avoid causing a scene here.
老娘可不是好惹的 Oh, you do not wanna fuck with me!
我要在去哪儿网给你们庭院公园酒店差评 I will sully he name Courtyard Park Hotel on TripAdvisor.
叫你们监狱公园酒店得了 They'll be callin' it Prisonyard Park Hotel!
等着我的律师函吧 Uh, you will hear from my fucking lawyer.
对这个老婊子我"永不妥协" I will Erin Brockovich this bitch.
讲述艾琳·布罗克维齐法律诉讼案件的电影
那他妈是我的钱包 That's my fucking purse!
泳池边严禁奔跑 No running!
-那个救生员注意到你了 -想不注意到都难 - That lifeguard noticed ya! - Yeah, I bet he did.
多谢 Thanks!
噫 Dang!
-格拉西艾拉挺浪的嘛 -我服了 - Graciella is quite the party girl. - Oh, God!
我居然还有点喜欢她呢 Kinda like this bitch now, huh?
怎么了 宝宝 What is it, kid?
我感觉不太好 I feel bad.
感觉不好 为什么 You feel bad? For what?
因为我搞砸了 完全忘记怎么撒谎了 'Cause I messed up. Completely forgot the lie.
-我慌的像个鹌鹑似的 -好了 好了 - I fucking panicked. - Hey! Hey...
不要因为比我更好而道歉 Don't you ever apologize for bein' better than me.
永远不许 Ever.
懂吗 You hear me?
嗯 Yeah.
乖 Yeah.
我刚看到那酒店门口挂着横幅写着 Hey, I saw a sign at the hotel that said,
"墨菲家族大聚会" "Murphy Family Reunion."
说不定明天可以再回去假装我们是墨菲一家的 Maybe go back tomorrow and be Murphys.
我觉得 一段时间内我们是别想回去了 I don't think we can go back to the Courtyard Park Hotel
有可能一辈子都回不去了 for a very long time. Probably ever.
去他的庭院公园酒店 Fuck the Courtyard Park Hotel.
双林树酒店还送免费曲奇呢 DoubleTree's got free cookies.
我不喜欢他家的曲奇 I hate those cookies.
我也不怎么喜欢 但那也挡不住我 Yeah. So does my ass, but that don't stop me.
拿好东西下车了 Get that, will you?
别告诉你爸我让你开车了 明白吗 Hey, don't tell your father you drove. OK?
你俩死哪儿去了 Where the fuck were you two, huh?
-去图书馆了 -图书馆 真的吗 - At the library. - At the library? Really?
过来 Come here.
你闻着可不像是去看书了 Ah, your breath don't smell like books.
说实话吧 Well? Where?
庭院公园酒店 Courtyard Park Hotel.
又往水池里钻 多娜 What? Again with the pool-hoppin' shit, Donna?
-有够没 -你要能给我造个泳池 - Come on! - Hey, build me a pool,
我就不用一路开到西边去游泳了好吗 and I don't have to drive to the west side to find one.
你不是挺能搞建造的吗 You're in construction for Christ's sake.
地上挖个坑拿水管填满就完事了 Just build a hole in the ground and fill it with a hose.
-你是要我在这儿挖个洞对吧 -对 - I'm gonna dig a hole back there, right? - Yeah.
-然后我再往里啪哒一跳 -你总算明白了 - And I'm gonna jump the fuck in, right? - Finally!
最后拿土给我一埋 我就再也不用管你俩的破事了 对吧 So I don't have to deal with you twos anymore, all right?
-进屋 -好啊 好啊 - Get in there. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
-好了 抱歉 老爸 -没事 没事 - Okay, okay. Sorry, Daddy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-进去吗 -我要洗洗菜晚上好做饭 - Get inside, will you? - I'm gonna wash up for supper.
这是什么 我怎么不记得 Hey, what is this? I don't remember
我给你买过泳衣 buying you a goddamn bathin' suit.
你确实没有 格拉西艾拉买的 You didn't. Graciella did.
等等 谁他妈是格拉西艾拉 Wait, who the fuck is Graciella?
她给你女儿买了泳衣 所以闭上你的狗嘴吧 She paid for your daughter's bathin' suit, so quit your bitchin'.
别进去 过来 Hey. No, no. Come here.
别让闺女也掺和你那坑蒙拐骗的事 Don't be draggin' our daughter into your schemin' shit.
-很抱歉 我是个坏女人 -你的确是 - Oh, I'm sorry. I've been a bad girl. - Yeah.
我不想让黛利拉学坏 I know, but I don't want Delilah bein' a bad girl.
黛利拉可是个好孩子 Hey, Delilah's a good kid, okay?
好吧 亲爱的 All right, look, baby,
一个多娜已经够麻烦了 one Donna's trouble enough.
再来一个就得天翻地覆了 The world don't need another one.
-我给你带了东西 -带了什么 - I got you something. - What did you get me?
真的假的 你居然给我带了蛤蜊 No, you didn't! Oh, my God, you got me clams!
肉多吗 Do they come with the bellies?
我可不会给一箱歪瓜裂枣付钱的 Because I am not paying for a box of breadcrumbs.
别这样 谁最爱你 Oh, come on, who loves you?
你 You do.
肉麻死了 真恶心 Oh, you're disgusting, you know that?
什么味道 What's that smell?
金枪鱼 为了把猫从墙里引出来 Tuna. Tryin' to get a cat from the wall.
应该是只猫 Supposedly a cat.
就是只猫 等我抓到它 It's a fuckin' cat. When I find it,
看我不勒死这畜生 I'm gonna strangle this thing.
你最好别给老子浪费了金枪鱼 You better not be wastin' my goddamn tuna.
谁打开 谁就给我吃完 You fucking open it, you eat it.
坐下坐下 像正经人家一样坐好了 Hey! Sit down. We're sittin' at the table like proper people!
-服了 -别开玩笑了 - God. Geez. - Stop kidding around.
你们的妹妹有事要宣布 Your sister has an announcement to make.
-是吗 -好吧 告诉他们学校那事 - I do? - Yeah. Tell 'em about the school thing.
讲吧 Tell 'em.
我要竞选学生会主席 I'm running for Class President.
什么 别 那玩意其实就是比人气 What? No, that shit's just a popularity contest.
-才不是 -是又怎样 - No. - Yeah, so what?
难道你突然变得受欢迎了吗 What, are you popular all of a sudden now, Dee, huh?
没有 Not really.
她觉得自己读了书就比别人强 She thinks she's better than people 'cause she reads books.
你就是吃不着葡萄说葡萄酸 You're just jealous 'cause you can't even read.
-我也是有学问的 -行 卡尔 - I can read. - Okay, Carl,
拼一下"饭店" spell "Restaurant".
我在这吃饭呢 又不是上课来了 I'm eatin' right now. What is this, fucking Harvard school?
你就是不会拼 Because you can't.
我会 你知道我会拼什么吗 I can. You know what I can spell?
-"操你的" -你试试 - "Fuck you!" - Try it then.
-操你的 -都给我闭嘴 - Fuck you! - Hey, hey! Shut up, already!
臭嘴都给我合上 Hey, hey, hey. Shut the fuck up!
我觉得竞选对她有好处 I think this election thing will be good for her.
让她放开自己 You know, get her out of her shell.
变得更受欢迎 她就是性格太闷了 I mean, she'd be popular. She's just quieter.
为什么她要在意别人喜不喜欢她 Why does she care if people fucking like her or not?
让他们都滚蛋 I mean, fuck them.
人啊 变成混球 If people aren't assholes now,
就是时间问题 they're gonna become assholes later.
记住我的话 黛尔 Mark my fucking words, Del.
混球这方面 你可是赢在起跑线上了 Yeah, well, you got a big head start.
好吧 谢谢你们的鼓励 我要去学习了 All right, thanks for the pep talk, everybody. I gotta study.
书呆子 Nerd!
黛尔 来 Del! Hey, hey, hey! Come here!
过来 过来 Come here, come here.
我明天带你去商店 Come on. I'll take you to the store tomorrow
买些海报板 装饰的小亮片 and we'll get some poster boards and sequins and glitter,
水彩颜料什么的 and Puffy paint and all that.
没有竞选海报还竞什么选 对吧 You can't win a campaign without campaign posters, huh?
谁付钱 亲爱的格拉西艾洛吗 Who's gonna pay for all this, your friend Graciollo?
别想从我这套一分钱 Because I ain't paying for fucking shit.
你会付钱的 她也会赢的 记住我的话 Yeah, you are. She's gonna win this thing. Mark my words.
浪费时间浪费金钱 真是一举两得 Well, it's a waste of time and it's a waste of goddamn money.
吃你的牡蛎肚吧 你个丧气鬼 Hey, eat your clam bellies, you goddamned Gloomy Gus.
我看到它的头了 I saw his head!
天 你没事吧 Shit. You okay?
对天发誓 我要把他和那只猫一起塞墙里面 I swear to Christ, I'm gonna put him in the wall with that goddamn cat.
咱俩养了对傻子 你知道吗 You and I are raising a couple of fucking morons, you know that?
还有个即将上任的主席 And one future fuckin' President!
-去学习吧 -去吧 孩子 - Go study! - Go get 'em, kid.
能把你的肘子从桌上拿下来吗 Would you get your elbows off the goddamn table?
我还好 Hey, I'm fucking fine.
没事的 特德 It's okay, Ted.
不好意思 你有空了解一下 Hey, excuse me, do you have a minute
-「血色狂飙」献血项目吗 -没有 - to talk about the blood drive? - No.
我们需要上酒水的志愿者 Hey, we need volunteers to pour the orange juice.
我真想给他们揍得"血色狂飙" I'm gonna punch someone in the face till they need a blood drive.
冷静 我们一桌一桌问就好了 Chill, we'll just go table to table.
跟那些人打打交道 You know, meet the people.
不 我讨厌他们 No, I hate the people.
我需要他们喜欢我 Well, I need the people to like me,
所以就笑这一次 so smile for once in your life.
你怎么出奇地振奋 You're in an oddly upbeat mood.
我妈妈要帮我竞选主席 My mom's helpin' me run for Class President.
难以置信 Damn.
你妈妈 真的假的 Your mom? For real?
嘴别这么毒 Hey, be nice.
说不好哪件事更让人吃惊 I don't know what's more surprising,
你这个闷葫芦出来做宣传 you putting yourself out there like this...
还是你妈妈来帮你的忙 Or your fuckin' mom bein' helpful.
别对她要求太高了 All right. Give her a break.
她也在试着改变嘛 You know she tries.
某些时候 Sometimes.
嗨 我是黛尔 这是娜塔莉 Hi, I'm Del. This is Natalie.
是你俩这个「弯-直联盟」的事吗 还是... This a gay-straight alliance thing? Or...
我讨厌这些人 I hate the people.
我们下周有场「血色狂飙」献血活动 Well, we're holdin' a blood drive next week.
我们曲棍球队的队员之一 It's for our hockey team.
球队的守门员受了很重的伤 You know, our goalie got hurt pretty bad.
颈静脉被冰刀划伤了 Dude took a blade to the jugular.
血管整个被划开 Vein just ripped open,
血就像水龙头大开 血水四溅 and blood was spurtin' everywhere like a fuckin' faucet.
他差点在冰面上流血身亡 He almost bled to death right on the ice,
然后 医护人员终于来了 and then, when the paramedics finally came,
他们就在血泊里滑来滑去 they were slippin' and slidin' in all this blood
其中有个人还吐了 and one of 'em actually threw up.
真他妈是个闹剧 That was a fuckin' shit show.
对 但其实他们还是把他救活了 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, you know, they was able to save him,
多亏了大家齐心协力援助献血 thanks to people chipping in and donating their blood,
都像你们这样乐于助人 所以你们觉得怎么样 much like you guys. So, what do you think?
加入有什么好处 What's in it for me?
"赠人玫瑰手有余香"的幸福感算吗 Uh, the satisfaction of helpin' others?
参加活动的话还用上课吗 Do we get out of class?
不用 Yes.
早说不就得了 Should've just opened with that.
还有一件事 我还要竞选主席 Hey, uh, while I'm here, I'm also running for Class President,
所以如果可以的话 你们可以投我 so, you know, maybe if you like, you could vote for me.
我把英语作业给你们抄 I'll let you copy my English homework.
没错 她是个英语专家 Oh, yeah. She's a fuckin' English savant.
-啥是"专家" -你看 - I don't know what that means. - Yeah, exactly.
在她的帮助下 But with her doing your homework,
这些生词你都会懂的 you won't have to, so.
我觉得可以 Works for me.
前几天被赶出庭院公园酒店的那对母女 Hey, uh, didn't you and your dumpster-fire of a mom
是不是你和你那个婊子婆娘儿呀 get thrown out the Courtyard Park Hotel the other day?
是羟考酮吧 还是快克 It's Oxy, right? Not crack.
麻醉性镇痛药
可卡因的精制品
-或者都嗑了 -你妈哟 老子给你一耳屎 - Or is it both? - Hey, Ugly Betty, eat a dick.
你知道吗 You know what?
我也在考虑竞选主席呢 I'm thinking' I'll run for Class President.
也许我的口号可以是"垃圾快克"呢 Maybe my campaign platform could be "Crack is Whack."
对了 我听说埃里克·鲍尔斯喜欢你的快克[屁眼] Yeah, I heard Eric Powers liked your crack.
顺便一提 第一次献给了肛交 By the way, just because you take it in the ass
也算是破处哦 doesn't mean you're still a virgin.
尼玛卖麻批 So, yeah. Fuck you!
多谢 那肯定能帮我竞选成功 Thanks. I'm sure that'll help me get elected.
妈的贱皮子 Oh, fuck 'em.
你管那群婊子怎么想干嘛 Hey, why do you care what those bitches think, anyway?
我没管 一群哈婆娘 I don't. Fuck those hoes.
我得走了 我妈来接我 I gotta go. My ma's picking me up.
明天见 I'll see ya tomorrow.
妈妈呢 Where's Ma?
她不舒服 She don't feel so good.
上车吧 Just get in.
快点 上车 Come on, get in.
黛尔 Hey, Del.
这玩意也太贵了 This shit's expensive.
但也很必要 Yeah, well, this shit's necessary.
如果别人都不知道我是谁 How are people supposed to vote for me
怎么会投我 if they don't know who I am?
听我说 你不需要什么破海报板 Well, I'll tell you what. You don't need a fucking poster board.
一支黑色记号笔就够了 不是吗 All you need's a black sharpie, right?
你想提醒别人投你 You want to remind people to vote for you,
可以把名字写厕所墙上 you could write your name on the bathroom walls.
我就是这样搞到你妈妈号码的 That's how I got your mom's number.
妈妈答应了买水彩颜料的 Ma promised puffy paint.
你在干嘛呢 Hey, what are you doing'? Hmm?
我喜欢粉色 但我觉得 I like the pink, but I think
绿色可能更中性一些 the green might be more gender-neutral.
中什么 "中性"是个什么东西 Gender what? The fuck is gender-neutral?
看着我 Hey, look. Look at me.
我不能两个都给你买 I ain't buying you both, okay?
赶紧选一个 我们好回家 So just pick one, so we could please get the fuck outta here.
妈妈才不会像你这样无趣呢 This would have been more fun with Ma.
没办法 你妈不在 只有你爹 Yeah, well, clearly, your mother's not here.
我知道 I know.
孩子 你做这些...做这些 Hey, kid. What are you, what are you...
你做这些是为了什么 What are you doing all this for, huh?
-什么 -一切 - What? - All this shit.
这个鬼竞选 You know, this goddamn popularity contest.
为了拉票搞这些假模假式的吗 得了吧 Doing all this fake shit for votes? Come on.
我不知道 我助人为乐 不好吗 I don't know, I like helpin' people. That so bad?
助人为乐有更省钱的方式 There's a cheaper way of helping people.
啥都不做 别挡道就行 By doing nothing and staying out of the fucking way.
比从一群哈撮撮那里 You know, it's better than begging for attention
乞求关注要好得多 from a bunch of fucking jack-wagons
他们不值得你浪费精力 who ain't worth your weight in spit.
或许我也想做些好事 Maybe I wanna be noticed for once.
被别人注意一次 不行吗 For something good. Okay?
我注意到你了 I notice you.
还有你妈妈 她也注意到你了 And you know, your ma, she notices you.
没错 但别人有时会说我坏话 Yeah, well, people don't always say nice things about me.
虽然不是针对我 但你懂我意思 Well, not me, but you know what I mean.
针对你妈妈 是吗 About your ma, you mean?
选绿色吧 Go with the green.
绿色让人想起钞票 You know, green reminds people of money
人就是这么贪得无厌 'cause people are fucking greedy.
-你这样想吗 -毫无疑问 - You think? - Yeah, no doubt.
我们不需要水彩颜料了 We don't need the puffy paint.
去你的 我们就要买水彩颜料 Fuck that. We're getting the fuckin' puffy paint,
还要买香味记号笔 we're getting the scented markers.
我们要好好狂欢一把 You and me, we're gonna have a party.
来吧 Come on.
你们两头大耳朵猪又搞什么破坏呢 What the fuck are you two bozos doin' now?
我们想把猫熏出来 Trying to smoke out the cat.
熏出... Smoking out the...
俩损犊子 疯了吗 What are you, fucking crazy?
一会儿你俩就得把我房子烧没了 You're gonna burn down my goddamn house.
把东西给我 赶紧地 快点 Give me that. Come on, come on. Chop-chop.
熏什么猫熏猫 Smoke out a cat, huh?
住手 Stop it.
一对捣蛋精 My kids...
黛尔 能帮我个忙吗 Del, can you do me a favor?
垫在这上面画 Can you, uh, paint on this,
就不会弄得乱七八糟的了 just, uh, so you don't make a mess
别把我桌子搞脏了 行吧 and don't fuck up my table, please?
桌子已经乱七八糟了 Table's already fucked up.
就是因为某人 Yeah, 'cause, uh, somebody...
不知道怎么用杯垫 Doesn't know how to use a fucking coaster.
"杯垫" 快来听听呀 "Coastas," He says!
突然间 这家伙开始推销杯垫了 All the sudden, this guy's pushin' coastas.
原来你是家政女王玛莎·斯图尔特呀 Martha Stewart over here.
得了吧 亲爱的 你拿什么当杯垫都行 Come on, darling, You can use anything as a frigging coaster.
你怎么不拿黛尔的书呢 Here, why don't you use one of Del's books, huh?
-天啊 多娜 -操 - Come on, now! Donna! - Shit!
-没事 没事 -不 有事 - It's okay. It's okay. - No, it's not!
淡定淡定 我会帮她再做一张 Hey, hey, hey, relax. I'll help her make another one.
你知道这玩意花了我多少钱吗 Do you know how much this shit costs, huh?
不知道 No.
你当然不知道 因为你本该去商店的 No, you wouldn't, because you didn't show up at the craft store
但你没去 不是吗 like you were supposed to, did you?
天哪 别这么抠门儿 God, quit being fucking cheap.
不是我抠 好吗 It's not about me being cheap, all right?
你才是丢人的那个 You're a fuckin' embarrassment.
-爸 别这样 -不 - Daddy, don't... - No!
你女儿千辛万苦 Your daughter here is bustin' her ass
竞选学生会主席 tryin' to become school president
你却一点忙都不帮 and you're not helping her.
她所有朋友都在笑话她 All of her friends snickering,
-说你的闲话 -说我什么 - gossiping about your... - My what?
他们说什么了 What are they saying'?
我要出去喝瓶酒 I'm going' outside for a beer.
一个人 Alone.
爸 太棒了 我跟你一起去 Dad, that is a great idea. I'm coming with you.
瓜娃子 我他妈刚说什么了 Hey, dummy, what the fuck I just say, huh?
我没说你什么 I didn't say nothing' about you.
他只是 他有点... You know, he's just, he's being...
抱歉 I'm sorry.
不是说过"不要因为比我更好而道歉"吗 What'd I tell you about apologizing for being better than me?
别说了 Stop it.
他会冷静下来的 He'll calm down.
他想怎样骂我 就随他吧 He can call me whatever he wants.
他这个人就是这么冲 He says things, that's what he does.
不如 What about...
"你不投我不投 黛尔何时能出头" "What the Hell, Vote for Del?"
还挺不错的 Kinda love that.
本来就不错好嘛 That's 'cause it's fuckin' good.
你应该去当个艺术家呀 Wow, you should've been an artist or something.
我以前也玩过这行 I dabbled back in the day.
你玩过吗 You dabbled?
主要是涂鸦 Graffiti mostly.
堪称完美 It's perfect.
好了 现在让我听听你的演讲 All right, now let me hear that speech of yours.
别 我还没准备好 No, it's not ready yet.
他们会爱死你的 宝贝 They're gonna fuckin' love you, kid.
你怎么知道 How do you know that?
因为我爱死你了 Because I fuckin' love ya.
所以他们至少得喜欢你 So they have to at least like ya.
否则我就宰了他们 Or I'll kill 'em.
-讲吧 -好吧 - Come on. - Okay.
好吧 Okay.
早上好 哈格勒高中 Good morning, Hagler.
我是黛尔·路切蒂 My name's Del Luccetti
我要竞选学生会主席 and I'm running for Class President.
我闺女 That's my daughter!
如果当选 我保证 If elected, I promise to
不会许下任何我无法遵守的愚蠢承诺 not make any stupid promises that I can't keep.
因为我下定决心要做的事 Because when I decide to do something,
我总是坚持到底 I always follow through
因为我乐于助人 because I like helpin' people.
这就是为什么我们要洗那些发臭的运动背心 So that's why we're finally gonna wash those rancid P.E. Pinnies.
我们会在所有女洗手间里放置免费棉条 We're gonna put free tampons in all the girls' bathrooms
我们要堵住波特教练在男更衣室留下的 and we're gonna spackle over that peephole
那个窥视孔 Coach Porter left in the boys' locker room
在他"提前退休"之前 before his "Early retirement."
吸毒女孩黛尔 Del's a crack baby!
听我说 你们可以...你们叫我什么都行 Uh, listen, you can... You can call me whatever you want.
你们不必喜欢我 You don't have to like me,
但我喜欢你们 but you should know that I like you
我也想做些好事 and I wanna do good stuff.
就像我们为戈尔迪做的献血活动 Like this blood drive we're having for Gordie.
所以我希望我能有机会帮助大家 So I... I hope you'll let me help you.
所以 So...
你不投我不投 黛尔何时能出头 What the hell, Vote for Del.
再见 Peace.
你不投我不投 黛尔何时能出头
我喜欢你的演讲 I liked your speech.
虽然他们都叫我吸毒女孩 I mean, they called me a crack baby,
但至少 他们都知道了我的名字 but at least they knew my name.
不过 说真的 Um, for real, though,
戈尔迪是我的死党之一 Gordie is, like, one of my best friends.
我也在队伍里 I'm on the team, too.
-不是吧 -是呀 - Oh, no shit. - Yeah.
献血这个主意棒极了 That blood drive thing, that's a dope idea.
献血 救人一命
感谢你的关心和帮助 Thanks for giving a shit and doing something.
-大多数人都漠不关心 -嗯 谢了 - Most people don't. - Yeah. Thanks.
你妈妈 她挺野的 对吧 So your mom, she's a... She's riot, huh?
她是个疯子 但也挺幽默的 Yeah, yeah. She's a maniac, but she's pretty fun.
你有空应该来看我们比赛 You should come over to our game sometime.
看我们打球 You know, watch us play.
可以带上你妈妈 You can bring your mom.
你一个人来也行 Or no. I mean, just you can come.
-怎样都行 -好 - Whatever's good. - Yeah.
我会去的 Yeah, I'll come.
好 Okay.
回见 I'll see you around.
你不投我不投 黛尔何时能出头
妈妈 Ma!
我妈呢 我要告诉她点事 Hey. Where's Ma? I gotta tell her something.
黛利拉 Ah, Delilah.
我的演讲...我一定要告诉她 My speech, it went... She's gotta hear this.
-黛利拉 黛利拉 -等下 我要先告诉我妈 - Hey. Delilah, Delilah. - One second. I gotta go tell Ma.
黛利拉 求你过来吧 Delilah, please just come here.
怎么了 What's wrong?
听着 我... Look, I, um...
我要跟你说点事 好吗 I gotta tell you something, okay?
但你必须... But you got to...
你必须对我发誓 You gotta swear to me.
你要保证听完不会哭 You gotta promise me that you're not gonna cry.
好吗 Okay?
听着 你的... Look, your, um...
你妈妈做了些事 Your mother, she did something...
做了些极其愚蠢的事 She did something really stupid.
她... And she's, uh...
黛利拉 她再也回不来了 Delilah, she's not... She's not coming back.
你妈走了 Your ma is gone.
他们说是... They said it was, uh...
他们说是场意外 They said it was an accident.
你跟我保证过不哭的 Hey, you promised me you weren't gonna cry.
不准哭 Don't cry.
我不哭 I'm not gonna cry.
你干嘛躲着我 Hey. Why are you avoiding me?
我没有 I'm not.
你还好吗 How are you?
你觉得呢 What do you think?
对不起 这问题真蠢 我... Sorry, that was a stupid fucking question. I...
两天后就要竞选了 Hey, you know, the election's in two days.
也许我能帮你发发徽章啥的 Maybe I could help you hand out buttons or somethin'.
嗯 也许吧 Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
你不是想要讨所有人喜欢嘛 You know, you wanted everyone to like you,
他们可能因为同情你来投你票 so maybe people are gonna vote for you 'cause they feel bad.
无意冒犯 No offense, though.
献血活动你还办吗 Uh, you gonna do that blood drive?
-说不定能分散你的注意力... -嗯 - It might be a good distraction from the... - Yeah.
中午一起吃披萨船哦 Hey, pizza boats at lunch!
你不来的话 谁做船长呢 Someone's gonna need to be the fucking captain of that boat!
你不投我不投 黛尔何时能出头
小姐 你还好吗 Miss, are you all right?
你叫什么 What's your name?
我叫朱莉·坎珀斯 My name's Julie Campos.
格拉西艾拉·坎珀斯是我妈 I'm the daughter of Graciella Campos.
我们来参加医疗器材销售大会 We're here for the Medical Supply convention.
大会上周已经举行过了 The convention was last week.
黛尔 你会好好的吗 Del, are you gonna be all right?
我对这一切 I just wanted to say I'm sorry
深表遗憾 to hear about what happened and everything.
这太让人伤感了 而且... It's super sad, and...
你和你家人 You know, I'm just sorry
节哀顺变 and everything for you and your family.
黛尔 你他妈的干嘛呢 Del, what the fuck are you doing?
献血 救人一命
黛尔 你没事吧 Del! You're okay?
黛尔 怎么了 Del. Hey, what happened?
你不投我不投 黛尔何时能出头
你们哪个受了苦头 Which one of you suffered, huh?
-你还带着他 -当然 - You take him yet? - Of course.
-我日 -这他妈是什么 - Oh, shit. - The fuck is this?
什么鬼 What the fuck?
我找到猫了 I found the cat.
《韦恩》 下集预告 Next on Wayne...
还给我 Hey! Give me that back!
妈的 放我下来 The fuck? Put me down!
我他妈去学校行不行 I'll go to fucking school!
停车 停 停 Stop, stop, stop!
这位是阿拉巴斯特高中的副校长沃尔特 This is Vice Principal Walt from Alabaster High.
你女儿今天被留校了 Your daughter got detention today...
你有两个选择 You got two options.
做一个激励人心的演讲 鼓励大家给学校捐钱 Come up with a speech that inspire people to donate to our school
或者跟你以前一样 做一个垃圾演讲 or half-ass like you done your whole life.
我选后者 I'm gonna go with B.
我只是觉得 如果你想留下 那就留下好了 I just think if you wanna stay, you should stay.
你他妈要去哪 So where the fuck are you going?
我不在你会更快乐 You're gonna have more fun without me.
所以你就这么走了吗 混蛋 So you're just gonna fucking leave? Dick.