- 室友早 - 嘿 - Morning, roomie. - Hey!
今天早上你记得穿上衣服了 You remembered to put clothes on this morning.
- 第五天终于记得了 - 喔 - Fifth day's the charm. - Oh.
能够搬回来真好 你帮了我跟艾玛一个大忙 It's so great to be back here. You're making it so easy on me and Emma.
你能够搬回来也真好 你要持多久就待多久 It's great having you back. Stay as long as you want.
她是什么时候才不会哭一整晚呢？ And when does she stop crying all night?
嘿 你没有光着屁股 Hey! You're not naked. Heh.
瑞秋 你今晚什么时候会回来？ So, hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?
大概六点吧 她在房间里 已经准备好了 I'll probably be back around 6. But she's in the bedroom, all ready to go.
她又睡着了 所以… But she did fall back to sleep, so...
可能是因昨晚美妙的哭声而累坏了 She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.
- 再见 - 再见 - Bye. - Bye.
嘿 我希望艾玛没有带来太多麻烦 Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you.
没 嘿 一切都很好 No, hey, it's been great.
- 耶 - 耶 - Yeah? - Yeah.
我只想让你知道 虽然瑞秋住在这边 I want you to know that with Rachel staying here...
但是我之前对她的感觉早就已经没了 all my feelings from before are totally over.
即使本来还有… And even if they weren't...
当你看到一个女人用吸奶器… when you walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
- 是啊 没错 - 哇 - Yeah, that'll do it. - Wow.
那你怎样呢？ So how are you?
- 不错啊 - 真的吗？ - I'm okay. - Really?
当然 我有没有希望过 和瑞秋快乐地住在一起？ Sure. I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out?
当然有 你知道的 我是有点失望 但是这又不像是离婚 Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
- 嗯 事实上这… - 这不是离婚 这不是离婚 - Well, actually it... - It's not a divorce. It is not a divorce!
反正我认为我跟瑞秋 应该要过自己的生活 Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to get on with our lives.
或许开始跟其他人交柱 Maybe start seeing other people.
哇 真的吗？ Wow. Really?
当然 为何不呢？事实上 你有认识适合我的人吗？ Sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that'd be good for me?
- 当然 我认识很多女生 - 脑海有浮现任何名字吗？ - Sure. I know lots of girls. - Yeah? Any names come to mind?
名字？ Ooh. Names?
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hey.
- 我才正要吃点东西 你要吗？ - 你有什么呢？ - I was just gonna eat. Want something? - What you got?
好的 让我看看 我们有豆子泥 胡萝卜泥… Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots...
梅子泥 我们还没有试过这个 Ooh, strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.
好棒 Goody!
谢谢 Thanks. Ha, ha.
跟瑞秋再住一起如何呢？ So how is it living with Rachel again?
- 我是说 除了有很多好吃的之外？ - 哈 哈 - I mean, apart from the great food? - Ha, ha.
很好 很好 只是… I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just...
她跟罗斯之间真的是很诡异 It's just weird what's happening with her and Ross.
昨天他要我介绍女生给他 Yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
瑞秋也问我有没有男生可以介绍给她 Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
- 他们为什么要这样呢？ - 不知道 - Why are they doing this? - I don't know.
他们彼此再适合不过了 真是神经 They're so perfect for each other. It's crazy.
你知道什么才神经？这些罐子 You know what's crazy? These jars.
是怎样？才两口就没了？ What is there, like, two bites in here?
我只希望他们可以发现 彼此是适合在一起的 I just wish they'd realize they should be together.
当他们一起住时… When they moved in together,
- 我以为事情就解决了 - 他们应该是一家人 - I figured that's where things were headed. - They should be a family.
结婚生更多的小孩 They should marry and have more children.
是啊 而且该把其中一个取名叫乔伊 Yes. And they should name one of their kids Joey.
我或许不会有小孩 总是要有人帮我传承香火吧 I may not have kids. Someone's gotta carry on the family name.
你知道吗？或许他们一旦开始跟别人约会 知道别人是怎样的… You know what? Maybe once they start dating and see what's out there...
他们就会发现彼此是多么适合 they'll realize how good they are for each other.
是啊 因为他俩真是龙配龙 凤配凤啊 Yeah, because it is slim pickings.
- 我昨晚约会的女生遭透了 讨厌 - 嗯 - I had this date last night. Yuck! - Mm.
但是应该要说小声一点 她还在房间里面 But we should probably keep it down, she's still in the bedroom.
那我们该怎么做呢？我们要帮他们介绍人吗？ So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna set them up with people?
我知道 这样只会使他们渐行渐远 I know, that just pushes them further and further apart.
我知道要怎么做了 我们可以帮罗斯跟瑞秋介绍可怕的人 I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates...
让他们发觉彼此是很好的 so they'll realize how good they are together.
- 真是好计划 - 是啊 - Ooh, that's a great plan. - Yeah.
你知道最棒的是什么吗？我可以来个计划成功之笑 You know what the best part of it is? I get to do my plan laugh:
好了 嘘 不要那么大声 不要吵醒… Okay. Shh, shh. Not so loud. We don't wanna wake up, uh...
嗨 你们今晚没有计划 对吗？ Hi. You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you?
为什么你为那样以为呢？就因为我们已经结婚了吗？ See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married?
我是说 我要让你知道 我们是非常时髦好玩的人 I mean, I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people.
现在不好意思 我要回去读报上新闻了 Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
我会问是因为 今晚我需要有人帮我带艾玛 I was just asking because I need someone to watch Emma tonight.
当然我们可以 你要做什么呢？ Sure we'll do it. What are you up to?
嗯 菲比帮我安排一个约会 Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
- 喔 我的天 - 喔 - Oh, my God. - Wow.
- 为什么？有什么不对吗？ - 我以为你跟罗斯是… - Why? What's the big deal? - I figured because you and Ross are...
是怎样？一年半前上过床吗？是啊 那我就全搞定了 What? Slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
我认为你能够去约会是件好事 听起来很健康 I think it's great you're going on a date. It sounds healthy.
我是说你有你的需要 面对你的女性特质吧 I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood.
你要找工作吗？关掉新闯挖挖哇 然后去寄履历表 You want a job? Turn off Oprah and send out a resume.
- 我七点左右带她过来好吗？ - 太棒了 - I'll bring her by around 7, okay? - That's perfect.
你们会很开心的 她现在正是可爱的时候 You guys are gonna have so much fun. She's at such a cute age.
有几件事 现在她会吃固体食物了 所以会按时排便 A couple things. Now that she eats solid food, she poops around the clock.
还有小心你的头发 因为她喜欢抓 And watch out for your hair because she likes to grab it.
这时期的她还会在 你离开房间的时候大叫 但是… She's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams, but, oh...
谢谢你们 祝你们玩的开心 thanks, you guys. Have fun.
突然问 我希望自己的名字在上面 Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.
- 乔伊 嘿 我好兴奋 - 嘿 - Ooh, Joey, hey. I'm so excited. - Hey.
- 我帮瑞秋约了一个最糟糕的男生 - 好的 是谁呢？ - I just set Rachel up with the worst guy. - All right. Who is he?
是我曾经按摩过的一个男的 而"按摩"时… It's this guy I used to massage. By "massage"...
我得按住他 让他不能转身露鸟 I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
好啊 Okay, okay.
- 等你听听我介绍谁给罗斯再说吧 - 喔 好啊 - Wait till you hear who I got for Ross. - Oh, yeah.
她真是个很无趣的女人 她是个老师 She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher.
- 老师？ - 她喜欢历史跟外国影片 - A teacher? - She's into history and foreign movies.
而且她喜欢益智游戏 Oh, oh. And she loves puzzles. Huh?
拜托 谁会喜欢益智游戏呢？ Come on, who loves puzzles?
嗯 罗斯喜欢啊 Well, Ross does.
你毁了计划了 You're ruining the plan!
乔伊 你把他的天生另一半介绍给他了 Joey, you fixed him up with his perfect woman.
- 我的天 你说的没错 - 是啊 - Oh, my God, you're right! - Yeah.
- 她甚至还喜欢读书 - 噢 - She even reads for pleasure! - Ugh.
- 你怎么会认识那种女人？ - 我不能认识聪明的女人吗？ - How do you know a woman like that? - I'm not allowed to know smart women?
- 乔伊？ - 在图书馆 我进去上厕所时认识的 - Joey? - I met her at the library. I went in to pee.
- 那我们现在该怎么办呢？ - 嗯 好吧 - So now what do we do? - Well, okay.
我打电话跟她说取消 然后再找别人 I'll call her and tell her the date's canceled and find him somebody else.
要是我们找不到别人呢？我们只要跟她说约会取消了… What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off...
但是不要跟罗斯说 他会去餐厅等 然后被放鸽子 but we don't tell Ross. He goes to the restaurant and gets stood up.
噢 Ooh!
真是太坏心了 Ooh, I hear that's bad.
太棒了 瑞秋会有个很糟糕的约会 Ooh, so this is great. Rachel's gonna have a terrible date...
罗斯被放鸽子 然后他们会发现 对方才是最好的 Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realize how good they have it together.
是的 好计划 Ah, yes, the plan.
呵 呵 Ho-ho-ho.
这不是圣诞老公公的计划 It's not Santa's plan.
不 这是… No, it's:
- 你知道吗？不太好玩了 - 是不好玩 我们弄僵了 - Yeah, you know, it's not that fun. - No, I think we killed it.
艾玛？艾玛？瞧瞧我 Emma? Emma, look at me.
嗯 我想我要下楼一下子 Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
不 没关系 没关系 我没有去 No, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. I didn't go.
别哭 我是开玩笑的 Don't cry, it's just a bit.
我是你的钱德姑丈 我只会搞笑啊 I'm your Uncle Chandler. Funny is all I have!
好了 让你知道一下 我从明天开始到六号都在排卵 Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the 6th.
所以接下来的四十八小时 你可别自慰 So don't touch yourself for the next 48 hours.
我不自慰的 I don't do that.
我会试着克制自己 I'll try to stop.
- 你是说到六号吗？ - 是啊 - Wait, did you say until the 6th? - Yeah.
今天就是六号 Today is the 6th.
不 不是 No, it's not. Look.
是的 而且是2003年 Yes, it's also 2003.
我的天 今天是六号？ Oh, my God. Today's the 6th?
我可能已经排完了 I may be done ovulating!
我在餐厅做的肉类 或许都很有问题 I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.
- 去做测试 看是不是还好 - 好的 - Go take the test, see if we're okay. - Okay.
定力不错啊 Tough crib.
嘿 我其他的排卵测试剂呢？只剩下一个了 Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks? There's only one here.
我可能拿了几个测试看 我是不是有排卵 I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
钱德 Chandler.
我没有工作 没事做很痛苦的 I am not working! There's not much to do around here!
(德莫尼可赛厅)
不好意思 Excuse me. Um... Heh.
有没有一个女人在吧台那边等人呢？ Is there a woman waiting at the bar?
不高不矮 黑发？可能在玩猜谜游戏？ Um, someone average height, dark hair? Or perhaps doing a puzzle?
是有个喝醉的中国人 Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
嗯 如果我一小时之后还在这里 帮我请他喝一杯 Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
您要不要再点一杯酒呢？ Um, can I get you another glass of wine?
我不知道应不应该 不想喝到醉醺醺的 然后… I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I...
今晚独自回家 go home alone tonight.
- 被放鸽子了 是吗？ - 没什么 只不过是跟陌生人约会 - Got stood up, huh? - Eh, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
你担心那个女的一来 看到你就走了吗？ Are you worried your date came, saw you and left?
不 No!
还好 我还在排卵 We're okay. I'm still ovulating.
很好 因为今天下午四点的时候 我没有在排卵 Oh, good, because as of 4:00 this afternoon, I am not.
那我们来炒饭吧 So let's do this.
- 我想我没办法 - 喔 别这样 - I don't think I can. - Oh, come on.
我知道你不是十八岁了 但是给它一点时间啊 I know you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute.
- 因为艾玛的原因 - 天啊 艾玛 - Because of Emma. - Oh, my God, Emma.
亲爱的 我忘记你在这里了 Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here.
你是对的 我们不能这样做 我们不能单独留她在这里 Oh, you're right, we can't do this. We can't leave her alone.
对不起 Sorry.
除非… Unless...
或许我们可以在这里做 maybe we do it here.
我是说 她这个年纪懂什么呢？ I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age?
我们离开房间她都知道 或许她也会注意到我们… Well, she's aware when we leave a room. She may notice if we start...
在亲热 canoodling in it.
- 亲热？ - 嗯 我总不能在一个娃娃面前说… - "Canoodling"? - Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw"...
做爱或是上床吧 in front of the B-A-B-Y.
我不知道 我想在婴儿面前做爱… I don't know, I guess having sex in front of a baby...
- 不是很… - 可怕？吓人？ - isn't so... - Horrifying? Scarring?
没有人因此而坐牢？ Something people go to jail for?
- 我想你说的对 - 你想？ - I guess you're right. - You guess?
住在民房的时候 我们没做爱… At that bed-and-breakfast, we didn't have sex...
因为你认为有只鹿站在窗外看 because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
什么样变态的人 想要在一只鹿面前做爱呢？ Well, what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
哇 每样东西看起来都很好吃 Wow, everything looks so good.
我想我要点鸡肉 I think I'm gonna have the chicken.
我必须要这么说 I just have to say this.
- 你真的很漂亮 - 哇 这真是贴心 谢谢你 - You're really beautiful. - Oh. Wow, that's very sweet. Thank you.
我长得有点好笑 I'm kind of funny-looking.
- 什么？ - 听着 我是说少来了 - What? - Look, I mean, come on...
你不是我可以高攀的起的 这里每个人都看得出来 you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it.
我敢说那边那个男的 可能在想… I bet that guy over there is probably saying:
"为什么她会跟他出来呢？他一定是很有钱" "Ooh, why's she out with him? He must be rich."
可是 我并不有钱 Well, I'm not.
你想要点什么呢？我真的很期待他们的鸡肉 What do you think you want to order? I'm real excited about that chicken.
我也不风趣 I'm not funny, either.
所以如果你是在想 "嗯 他倒是不太好看… So if you were thinking, "Well, he's not that good-looking...
但是也许他很幽默" 那你就错了 but maybe we'll have some laughs," that ain't gonna happen.
别这样 史提夫 我们不要让彼此尴尬 Well, come on, Steve, let's not rule out nervous laughter. Ha-ha-ha.
嘿 等等 菲比告诉我… Hey, now, wait a minute, Phoebe told me...
你是自己开餐厅的 真是了不起 that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
我因为吸毒把餐厅转让了 I lost it to drugs.
我现在做绢印T恤 I silk-screen T-shirts now.
真的？做得怎样呢？ Really? What's that like?
做你痛恨的工作 又赚不到钱 真是非常充实啊 It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money.
没错 我没有钱 又不风趣 That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny...
住在一间没有隔间的公寓 跟两个男的一起生活 I live in a studio apartment with two other guys.
而且我很确定 我有不孕症 And I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
别这样 别这样 史提夫 Now, come on. Come on, Steve.
你一定有什么自己喜欢的地方 There must be something that you like about yourself.
我是挺喜欢我的头发的 I do like my hair.
真的吗？ Really?
(中央咖啡厅)
- 哈罗？ - 菲比 是我 - Hello? - Phoebe, it's me!
我一定要追杀你 把你给剁了 I'm going to hunt you down and kill you.
嘿 瑞秋 Hey, Rach.
这真是史上最烂的约会 你怎么可以介绍这个怪人给我呢？ This is the worst date ever! How could you set me up with this creep?
你是在批评我最要好的朋友耶 You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
我不在乎 这个人是个恶梦 I don't care. This guy is a nightmare.
好了 他只不过在 吸毒的时候才有点失常 All right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
- 他没吸毒 - 他有出去抽烟吗？ - He's not stoned. - Did he go out for a cigarette?
- 有啊 四次 - 我亲爱的甜姐姐瑞秋 - Yeah. Four times. - My dear, sweet Rach.
噢 Oh.
我们的计划奏效了 瑞秋如坐针毡 Well, our plan is working. Rachel's having a miserable time...
而罗斯正一个人在某家餐厅呆坐 被放鸽子了 and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
他们很快就会复合了 Great. Pretty soon they'll be back together.
等到大家发现我们做的好事时 我们早就在阳光普照的墨西哥了 By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico.
喔 等等 那是另一个计划的结局 Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
她睡着了 钱德？ Oh, she's asleep. Chandler?
- 你在做什么呢？ - 艾玛也都这样做啊 - What are you doing? - Emma was doing it.
她睡着了 She's asleep.
哦 Ooh!
- 她睡了 表示我们可… - 是的 但我们必须要快 - She's asleep. That means we can... - Yes. But we have to be fast.
喔 好的 我尽量 Oh, okay, I'll try.
- 而你不能发出任何声音 - 好啦 我尽量 - And you can't make any noise. - Okay, I'll try.
哈罗？ Hello?
艾玛？ Emma?
嘿 嗨 Hey! Hi!
你好吗？你好吗？ How are you? How are you?
你的保姆们呢？ Where are your babysitters, huh?
为什么房间的门是关着的呢？ Why is the bedroom door closed?
在照顾小孩的时候是不能炒饭的 You can't have S-E-X when you're taking care of a B-A-B-I-E.
我有个坏消息 那个中国人走了 I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.
如果不是命中注定 就不是命中注定 Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
听着 就算是被放鸽子又如何呢？ Look, you got stood up. Who cares?
我们会好好招持你 你好好坐着享受 We're gonna show you a good time. Sit and relax.
事实上 让我免费招待您 蟹肉饼当开胃菜 In fact, let me bring you a crab-cake appetizer on the house.
哇 免费的蟹肉饼吗？真是周到 Wow, free crab cakes? Well, that's nice.
虽然我本来希望今晚可以嘿咻一下的 Although I was hoping to have sex tonight. Heh.
噢 Ooh.
只要蟹肉饼就行了 Just the crab cakes.
你在做什么？要把他留下来吗？你不可以那样 What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? You can't do that.
- 不要多管闲事好吗？ - 很抱歉 这是怎么回事？ - Just get out of here, okay? - I'm sorry, what's going on?
服务生们都在打赌 Uh, okay, um, the waiters have a little pool going.
赌你会等多久才会放弃 回家去 We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
什么 What?
你们拿我的悲惨境遇来赢钱？ You're making money off my misery?
嗯 如果你待到九点半 我就赢了 Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.
太离谱了 我从未被如此羞辱过 This is unbelievable. I have never been so insulted in my life.
现在如果你帮我把蟹肉饼打包 我就马上离开 Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
真是奇怪 你倒是很大声 我倒是挺快的 Well, that was weird. You were loud and I was fast.
我想我们这一次可能会成功 I think we may have done it this time.
我希望我不用等到作验孕测试 Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
你可能需要再多买一些 You may wanna get some more of those too.
艾玛呢？ Where's Emma?
我的天 艾玛呢？艾玛呢？ Oh, my God, where's Emma? Where's Emma?
别问我 我跟你在里面亲热 Don't ask me. I was in there canoodling you.
好吧 我想应该是瑞秋提早回来 把艾玛带回去了 Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma.
你去对面看看 我来打电话给她 You go look across the hall, I'll call her cell.
- 好吧 - 你最好祈祷我有怀孕 - Okay. - You better hope we're pregnant...
因为无论如何 我们得要有个婴儿可以还给瑞秋 because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel!
我不敢相信我在你面前哭泣 I can't believe I'm crying in front of you.
你一定觉得我很可悲 You must think I'm so pathetic.
不 不 不 我欣赏会哭的男人 No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
- 真的？ - 别碰我的外套 - Really? - Don't touch my coat!
对不起 我有电话 Oh. Sorry, that's my phone.
- 哈罗？ - 嘿 瑞秋 进行的怎样呢？ - Hello? - Hey, Rach, how's it going?
我的天 这是我有过最烂的约会了 Oh, my God, this is the worst date ever.
喔 少来了 Oh, come on.
听着 我很抱歉 但是你真的认为 一切进行的很顺利吗？ Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well?
- 怎么了？ - 嘿 你有来过吗？ - What's up? - Hey, did you stop by here?
- 没有 - 喔 我的天 那… - No. - Oh, my God! Then...
感谢上帝 艾玛原来你在这里 Oh, thank God! Emma, there you are!
什么？"原来你在这里？" 是什么意思 她在哪里？ What? What do you mean, "there you are"? Where was she?
我们在玩躲猫猫 她爱死我的激情演出了 Uh, we were playing peekaboo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. Heh.
- 你为什么要带走她呢？ - 因为你们两个在做爱 - Why the hell did you take her? - Because you two were having sex!
- 不 我们没有 - 别对我说谎 - No, we weren't. - Don't you lie to me.
我从钱德的头发就可看出 你真懒 你就不能有一次在上面吗？ I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
好啦 好啦 我们是在做爱 All right. All right, we were.
我们是要努力怀孕 摩妮卡正在排卵 We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
有艾玛在这里 你们就不能在里面做爱 It is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room.
我必须要告诉瑞秋这事 I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
拜托不要 她会杀了我们的 No, please don't. She will kill us.
嘿 我一定要 除非… Hey, I gotta. Unless...
除非怎样？ Unless what?
除非你们把第一个小孩取名叫乔伊 Unless you name your first-born child Joey.
- 什么？为什么？ - 嘿 我可能永远都不会有小孩 - What? Why? - Hey, I may never have kids...
总是要有人帮我延续香火 用我家的姓吧 and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
你姓崔比亚尼 Your family name is Tribbiani.
你差点就骗过我了 Oh, ha, ha. You almost had me.
- 好吧 - 听着… - Well, um... - Look...
我想我知道这个问题的答案 但是… I think I know the answer to this question, but...
你想要跟我做爱吗？ would you like to make love to me?
真的 真的不想 Really, really not.
只不过是问问 Ah, it's just as well.
反正也没有希望 It doesn't work anyway.
好的 那就这样 晚安 史提夫 All right, well, that's good to know. Good night, Steve.
- 嘿 怎么了？ - 我刚度过糟糕的一晚 - Hey, what's wrong? - I just had a rough night.
要蟹肉饼吗？ Oh. Crab cake?
嗯 Ugh.
发生什么事了？ - Well, what happened? - Uh...
跟你聊这件事真的是有点奇怪 但是… Well, I... It's kind of weird to talk to you about this, but...
摩妮卡跟我说你去约会了 Monica told me you had a blind date.
是啊 Yeah.
- 我也是 - 噢 - I did too. - Oh.
但是如果对方没有出现 那到底算不算是约会呢？ Uh, but is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
噢 Oh.
喔 你觉得是她看到你 然后就走了吗？ Oh, no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?
为什么大家要一直这样说呢？ Why does everyone keep saying that?
我可以让你好过点 我真希望我的对象没有出现 If it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.
- 那么糟吗？ - 他是做T恤的 - That bad? - Well, he makes T-shirts for a living...
而且他认为送这样的礼物给我是… and he thought it would be appropriate to give me...
很适当的 this.
(联邦调查局 女性身体检查官)
"女性身体检查官"？ "Female Body Inspector"?
- 这是什么尺寸的？ - 额 - What size is that? - Ugh.
等等 Now wait a minute.
- 所以他们要把 第一个孩子取名乔伊？ - 嗯哼 - So they'll name their first child Joey? - Uh-huh.
那我要怎样才能让他们 把第二个孩子以我的名字取名呢？ How do I get them to name the next one after me?
很简单 你只要在他们做爱时走进去就行了 It's easy. You just walk in on them having sex.
喔 所以他们已经欠我三个菲比了 Oh, so they owe me, like, three Phoebes.
我的天 瞧 那是罗斯跟瑞秋 Oh, my God! Look, it's Ross and Rachel!
计划奏效了 The plan is working!
别再做那个计划成功之笑了 Don't do the plan laugh.
我们几个月以来的第一次约会 而结果却这么惨 The first dates we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.
噢 Oh.
你知道 真是奇怪… Huh. You know, it is weird...
菲比帮我安排一个很烂的约会 that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful...
而在同一晚 乔伊帮你安排了一个 根本没有人出现的约会 on the same night Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
等一下 Wait a minute.
你不会认为这是故意的吧 You don't think it was intentional?
我是说 这实在太愚蠢了 I mean, that's just stupid.
我们真是天才 We're geniuses. Huh?
- 瞧瞧他们 合得不得了 - 再度坠入爱河了 - Look at them! They're really bonding. - They're falling in love all over again.
喔 他们看到我们了 看起来很生气 Oh, they see us. Oh, they look mad.
他们知道了 他们过来了 快跑 Oh, they figured it out. They're coming. Run!
- 跑去哪？ - 墨西哥 - Where? - Mexico!
谁敢相信她们居然还没有出现？ Can you believe they're still not here?
是啊 双对约会 我们竟然一起被放鸽子 I know. A double blind date and we both get stood up.
怎么可能呢？ What are the chances?
我知道 我好难过 I know, I'm so bummed.
现在可以上免费的蟹肉饼了吗？ Could we have our free crab cakes now?
- 什么？ - 我们被放鸽子了 - What? - We've been stood up.
我们想要上免费的蟹肉饼了 And we want our free crab cakes.
你们俩 不用装了 今晚没有人在拿你们打赌 Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight.
不过我们倒是有在赌 看那个男的多久才会哭 Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
我的手好肥 I have such fat hands!