快看 你们一定不信 Hey. You're not gonna believe this.
我编了一则笑话寄到《花花公子》 I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy.
结果登出来了 They printed it. Yeah.
我不知道《花花公子》也登笑话 I didn't know they prints jokes.
他们有笑话 专访 扎实新闻报导 They print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism.
并非只有图片 It's not just about the pictures.
妈不吃这套 我们也不吃 It didn't work on Mom, it's not gonna work on us.
你们看 还是第一则 Here, check it out. It's the first one too.
就是这则 Right there.
哈 哈 Ha, ha.
真好笑 That is funny.
我编出来时也很好笑 It was also funny when I made it up.
- 什么？ - 这则笑话是我编的 - What? - I made that joke up.
不是你 是我 Uh, oh, oh. No, you didn't. I did.
是我 我说给公司里的丹听 Uh, uh, oh. Yes, I did. I told Dan
他说这是他听过最好笑的笑话 and he said it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.
帮我谢谢丹 Hey, tell Dan thanks.
怎样？ What?
抱歉 我在看下面那则笑话 那则很好笑 I'm sorry. I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny.
摩妮卡 你记得 我跟你说过那则笑话吧？ Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
- 不记得 - 真的不记得？ - No. - Seriously?
你的笑话一大堆 You tell a lot of jokes.
钱德 那是我的笑话 Look, it's my joke.
他们没有印投稿人 这样你会觉得好过一点吧 But if it makes you feel any better, they don't print the name.
所以是谁的并不重要 对吧？ So it doesn't really matter who gets credit.
大概吧 Yeah, I guess.
- 大家好 - 乔伊《花花公子》登了我的笑话 - Hey, guys. - Joey, Playboy printed my joke!
不 那是我的笑话 你打去问就知道 No, it's mine! It's my joke. Call them! They'll tell you!
- 那是我的笑话 - 是我的 - My joke! - My joke!
哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
笑话？ Jokes? What...?
你们知道这上面有裸女吧？ You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?
老友记 第六季 第十二集
快 赶快转到《音乐内慕》 Dude! You have got to turn on Behind The Music.
《红心合唱团》状况百出 可能会解散 The band Heart is having a really tough time and they may break up.
我们去你家看 Let's watch that at your place.
不行 摩妮卡在看烹饪节目 快点 我想看她们瘦的时候 Monica's watching a show. I don't want to miss when they were skinny.
钱德 你知道吗？ Hey, Chandler. You know what we should do?
我们应该去买新墨镜 You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
什么？不要 我想看电视 What? No, I want to watch this.
- 你的第四台断线了吗？ - 不是 那是VH1 - Did your cable go out? - No. No, that's VH1.
现在的小朋友听的音乐... I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today...
通通都很吵 it's a lot of noise to me.
乔伊 第四台为什么没了？ Why is your cable out?
因为我没缴钱 Uh... Oh, because I haven't really paid the bill. Heh, heh.
你若缺钱 拜托让我借你好吗？ If you need money, would you please let me loan you some money?
不要 钱德 你别再说了 No, Chandler. Forget about it, okay?
我知道吉宁走后 我有点吃紧 天哪 她可真辣 I know things have been tight since Janine moved out. God, was she hot.
- 哇 - 就是啊 - Whoa. - I know, yeah.
但是我可以应付 好吗？我可以听广播 Look, I can handle it, all right? I can listen to the radio.
罗斯也给了我一本很棒的书 And Ross gave me this great book.
要不要问那个笑话小偷 我们能不能去他家看？ Want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
好啊 Sure.
- 电话费有缴吗？ - 没怎么在缴 - Paid your phone bill? - Not so much.
- 嘿 - 哦 - Hey. - Oh.
原来是你 It's only you.
- 你们在看什么？ - 我们在看《花花公子》 - What are you doing? - We are looking at a Playboy.
我也想看 I want to look too!
好 Yikes!
这些照片是有故事性吗？ Do you think these pictures are trying to tell a story?
当然有 像这位年轻小姐... Sure. Like in the case of this young woman...
她的衣服不见了 所以... she has lost her clothes.
她光溜溜的骑着马大喊 "我的衣服呢？" So she rides naked on the horse, she's crying out, "Where are they? Where are they?"
光躺在草地上是找不到的 She's not gonna find them, lying in the grass like that.
哦 是的 Oh. Yeah.
记不记得以前去谷仓... Remember the days when you'd go out to the barn...
- 掀起衣服翘起屁股的日子？ - 对啊 - lift up your shirt and bend over? - Yeah.
不过我会跟这个女生约会 You see, now, I would date this girl.
她很可爱 很阳光 She's cute, she's outdoorsy.
而且她会生火 可以派上用场 And she knows how to build a fire. That'll come in handy.
我有一个问题 I got a question.
如果要在我们当中挑女朋友 你们会挑谁？ If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
- 不知道 - 我也不知道 - I don't know. - Me neither.
瑞秋 Rachel.
什么？ What?
不知道 I don't know.
我也不知道 Me neither.
我都忘了《红心合唱团》 有那么多经典 You know, you forget how many great songs Heart had.
对啊 Yeah.
"海狼"是我练键盘学的第一首歌 "Barracuda" was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
你听过 弹过... So you heard it, you repeated it...
所以那首歌是你写的罗？ so that must mean you wrote it.
你们怎么还在争啊？老实说... Oh, you guys with this joke. Well, I gotta say...
我有大笑 但是我看不太懂 I know I cracked up, but I'm not even sure I got it.
什么？ What?
你看不懂？ You didn't get it?
那个医生是只猴子 The doctor is a monkey.
猴子没办法开处方 And monkeys can't write out prescriptions.
我的笑话不准你笑 You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
你的笑话？ Your joke?
海夫纳可不同意 Well, I think the Hef would disagree.
所以他寄了这张... Which is why he sent me a check...
百元支票给我 for $100.
你偷我的笑话 还偷我的钱 So you stole my joke and you stole my money?
我本来要轧进柜员机里 I was gonna stick it in the ATM.
现在我决定让那位性感女柜员... But now I think I'll show the sexy teller...
知道我是个作家 that I am a published writer.
她会知道你是偷来的 Well, she'll know that you stole the joke.
你想怎样 跟着我去吗？ You gonna follow me down there?
- 没错 - 反正我现在又不去 - Yeah. - I'm not gonna go now.
好 Okay.
- 帐单 - 哦 - Here you go. - Oh.
嗯... Ah.
阿甘 Uh, Gunther?
我现在不能付 我没工作 I can't pay for this now, because I'm not working.
得节省不必要的开销... I've had to cut down on some luxuries like...
像付帐之类的 paying for stuff, so...
你可以来这里工作 Well, if you want, you can work here.
我不晓得... Uh, I don't know.
是这样的... It's just...
我演过连续剧 See, I was a regular on a soap opera, you know?
从明星到服务生 我实在... And to go from that to this, it's just...
而且还得招呼我的朋友 And plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends.
好 但薪水很高 Okay. But the money's good.
还可以看瑞秋看个够 Plus, you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
什么？ What?
工作时间很弹性 Flexible hours.
也许可以喔 Maybe I could be a waiter.
我可以用电话吗？ Could I use the phone?
她选瑞秋 She picked Rachel.
她想改口 但是很明显 她选瑞秋 She tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.
他偷了我的笑话 He took my joke. He just took it.
这样是不对的 还有什么是不对的？ This is wrong. You know what else is wrong?
菲比选了瑞秋 Phoebe picking Rachel.
还有谁会选瑞秋？罗斯 You know who else picked Rachel? Ross.
罗斯还做了什么？他偷了我的笑话 You know what else Ross did? He stole my joke.
我要买一本笑话日志 I'm gonna get a joke journal, you know?
记录我每次讲笑话的日期时间 And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
好主意 你知道什么主意不好？ Good idea. Know what's a bad idea?
- 选择瑞秋 - 没错 - Picking Rachel. - That's right.
什么声音？ Did you hear something?
也许是罗斯爬进我的脑袋 窃取我的思绪 Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
是客厅传来的 It's coming from the living room.
我的书看完了 I finished my book.
- 大家好 - 嘿 - Hey, you guys. - Hey.
你们好可爱 Don't you guys look cute.
真是可爱的情侣 You guys make a cute couple.
摩妮卡 你在干嘛？ Monica, what are you doing?
没什么 我只是想重温前两天的乐趣 Just trying to re-create some of the fun that we had at my place the other day.
就是你选瑞秋不选我那次 Remember? When you picked Rachel over me?
多好玩啊 That was funny. Ha, ha, ha.
- 是蛮好玩的 - 一点也不好玩 - It was kind of funny. - It wasn't funny at all!
你为什么选她？ Why would you do that?
为什么不选我？ Why didn't you pick me?
好 Fine.
我之所以稍微倾向瑞秋 The reason I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you...
是因为你... is just, you know, you're...
有点难搞 我们去吃饭吧 high maintenance. Let's go to lunch.
哪有这回事 That is completely untrue.
你觉得我难搞？证明给我看 You think I'm high maintenance? Prove it.
你列一张清单 我们逐条讨论 You write out a list, and we'll go through it point by point.
你说的对 你很好相处 No, you're right, you're easygoing.
你只是没有瑞秋那么好相处 她比较... You're just not as easygoing as Rachel. She's just more...
圆滑 比较成熟 就这样 flexible and mellow. That's all.
每个人都不一样 Well, people are different.
瑞秋什么都好 怎么欺负她都行 Yeah, Rachel will do whatever you want. You can just walk all over her.
慢着 你是说我没个性吗？我才没有 What? Are you saying, that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover.
好 你有个性 Oh, okay. You're not a pushover.
天哪 你觉得我没个性 You think I'm a pushover. Well, watch this.
你听着 我们不跟你吃饭了 You're not invited to lunch!
怎么样？够强硬了吧？ What do you think? I think that's pretty strong.
摩妮卡 我们去吃饭 Come on, Monica, let's go to lunch.
清单给我列出来 You start working on that list.
- 她真是太扯了 - 就是啊 你想吃什么？ - I cannot believe her. - I know. Where do you want to eat?
我很喜欢那家日本料理 Oh... Oh, I love that Japanese place.
我吃腻日本菜了 不要去那家 I'm sick of Japanese. Not going there.
- 那看你想去哪里 - 好吧 - Wherever you want to go is cool. - All right.
（中央咖啡厅）
阿甘 Oh, hey, Gunther...
你看 check this out.
那个钱德真的很好笑 Yeah. Man, that Chandler cracks me up.
罗斯 你要喝什么吗？我要去柜台 Hey, Ross, you want anything to drink? I'm heading up there.
- 要 我要咖啡 谢谢 - 不客气 - Yeah. I'll take a coffee. Thanks. - Sure.
- 咖啡？ - 不要 - Coffee? - No.
要咖啡吗？我要去柜台 Coffee? I'm going up there.
- 不用了 - 不了 谢谢 - No. - No, thank you.
需要什么吗？我要去柜台 You need anything? I'm heading up there.
我要一杯冰水 I'd love ice water.
没问题 You got it.
乔伊 你在干什么？ Joey, what are you doing?
表示友善啊 Just being friendly.
乔伊 你不能去柜台后面 Joey, you're not supposed to go back there.
没关系啦 对吧 阿甘？ No, it's okay. Right, Gunther?
别跟我使眼色 Don't wink at me.
把围裙穿上 And put on your apron.
穿就穿 Okay. Heh, heh.
你怎么不叫其他客人穿围裙 I don't see you asking other paying customers to put on aprons.
- 乔伊 你在这里打工吗？ - 没有 - Joey, do you work here? - No.
- 服务生 - 什么事？ - Waiter. - Yeah!
乔伊 怎么回事？为什么不告诉我们你在这里打工？ Joey, what's going on? Why didn't you tell us you work here?
嗯... Uh...
这件事蛮尴尬的 我之前是演员 现在是服务生 It's kind of embarrassing. I mean, I was an actor, now I'm a waiter.
这应该反过来才对 It's supposed to go in the other direction.
你的围裙也反穿成披风了 So's your apron. You're wearing it like a cape.
这份工作很简单 薪水很高 I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know?
反正我都在这儿混 干脆赚个钱 I guess if I'm hanging out here, I might as well get paid for it. Right?
只是要招呼你们感觉很怪 I just feel kind of weird serving you guys, you know?
怎么会 It'll be great.
乔伊 我也做过 还好啊 Come on, I did it and it was fine.
对啊 怎么会怪？ Why would it be weird?
乔伊 帮我瑞个咖啡 Hey, Joey? Can I get some coffee?
确实没那么怪 Okay. It doesn't seem that weird.
我说真的 我点的咖啡还没来 Seriously, I asked before. You still haven't gotten it.
现在又变怪了 See, now it's weird again.
你来这里工作是好事 你会赚大钱 先给你一个忠告 I think it's great. You're gonna make a lot of money. Here's your first tip.
黄色的雪不要吃 Don't eat yellow snow. Ha, ha, ha.
2点15分 咖啡馆 2: 15, coffeehouse.
太好了 总算有人能传承我的智慧 This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass my wisdom to.
告诉你几件我在这里学到的事 Let me tell you some things I learned working at the coffeehouse.
首先 顾客永远是对的 First, the customer is always right.
微笑能让你无往不利 A smile goes a long way.
有人对你不客气 就朝松饼打喷嚏 And if anyone is ever rude to you, sneeze muffin.
谢谢你 瑞秋 Thanks, Rach.
你们对我真好 Hey, look, you guys are just terrific, you know?
要不要清场 让别人进来了？ How about clearing out so I can get some new customers, huh?
有流动才有商机 It's all about turnover.
乔伊 Joey.
我想喝咖啡了 Seriously, can I get my coffee?
抱歉 马上来 I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it right now.
我让你等那么久 送你一块松饼作为补偿吧 And since you wait, I'll toss in a free muffin.
菲比 我们想跟你谈谈 Phoebe, we'd like to talk to you.
好的 Okay.
或许我是有点难搞 So, maybe I am a little high maintenance.
或许瑞秋是有点没个性 And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover.
但你知道你是什么吗？ But you know what we decided you are?
很抱歉这么说 但是你 菲比 是个怪人 We are sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
哈 Ha!
没错 我是很怪 That's true, I am flaky.
所以你怪也无所谓？ So, what, you're just okay with being flaky?
完全无所谓 Yeah, totally.
那我难搞也无所谓 Then I'm okay with being high maintenance.
我没个性也无所谓 Yeah. And I am okay with being a pushover.
太好了 无所谓就好 That's great. Good for you guys.
- 我才不难搞 - 我才不会没个性 - I am not high maintenance! - I am not a pushover!
- 谁说你们是了？ - 你啊 - Who said you were? - You did!
我是怪人 专门乱说话 I'm flaky. I'll say anything.
阿甘 Hey, Gunther.
帮我挡一下 我接到试镜通知 Can you cover for me? I got an audition.
不行 我要去染头发 No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed.
是吗？我喜欢你的自然色 Really? I like your natural color.
拜托啦 这是个好角色 我演男主角的死党 It's a great part. Check it out. I'm the lead guy's best friend.
在酒吧帮他占位子 你听 I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen.
"抱歉 这个位子有人坐" "I'm sorry, that seat's saved."
- 就这样？ - 或许不是他的死党 但是... - That's the whole part? - Okay, maybe he's not his best friend, but...
1小时后见 Okay, I'll see you in an hour.
天哪 Oh, man.
我绝对能拿到那个角色 "抱歉 这个位子有人坐" I could totally get that part. "I'm sorry, this seat is taken."
- 抱歉 - 不 我不是说你 - Excuse me. - No, I didn't mean you.
但你以为是真的吧？ But you believed me, huh?
我以为你在帮别人占位 I believed you were saving this seat for someone.
所以你会用我啰？ So you'd hire me, right?
用你干嘛？ For what?
就是说嘛 各位请注意 Exactly! All right, everybody listen up!
本店要暂停营业1小时 The coffeehouse will be closed for about an hour.
什么？ What?
这是为了孩子们 It's for the kids.
帮助孩子们远离毒品 Yeah, to keep the kids off drugs.
这是本期《花花公子》的重要报导 Yeah. It's a very important issue in this month's Playboy.
各位一定都看过 I'm sure you all read about it.
- 那是我的笑话 - 是我的 - It's my joke. - It's my joke.
是我的 It's my joke.
我们再吵也吵不出结果 I don't think we're gonna settle this.
- 让摩妮卡决定吧 - 好 - No. Let's have Monica decide. - Yeah.
- 小妹 - 亲爱的 出来下 - Hey, Mon! - Mon, get out here!
- 摩妮卡 - 好 - Monica? - Okay.
你来帮我们决定 这个笑话是谁的 You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
为什么要我决定？ Why do I have to?
- 因为你才能客观公正 - 是啊 - You're the only one that can be fair. - Yeah.
我不能 你是我的男朋友 I can't be. You're my boyfriend.
但我是你哥哥 我们是家人 But I'm your brother. We're family.
世上最重要的就是亲情 That's the most important thing in the world.
不要想左右她 Don't try to sway her.
只有我能让你生小孩 I'm your only chance to have a baby.
- 我们开始吧 - 好 - Okay, let's go. - All right.
我们会说出这个笑话的由来 We'll each tell you how we came up with the joke...
你再决定谁说的是实话... 是我 then you decide which one of us is telling the truth. Me.
钱德 你先 Chandler, you go first.
好 我是2个月前 跟史提夫吃饭时想到的 I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
- 就是圣诞节那家伙吗？ - 让我说完好吗？ - Did I meet him at Christmas? - Can I finish my story?
你要我选你吗？ Do you want me to pick you?
我绝对不会那样凶你 See, I would never snap at you like that.
两个小孩 Two babies.
- 请继续 - 好 - Continue. - Okay.
史提夫说他去看医生 他的医生姓侯奇 Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And his doctor's name is Dr. Mompey.
我就说"猴子医生？" 所以才会有猴子医生这个笑话 I said, "Dr. Monkey?" And that is how the whole Dr. Monkey thing came up.
你开什么玩笑 Are you kidding?
我是念进化论的 Okay, look, I study evolution.
记得吧？进化论 Remember? Evolution.
猴子进化成人？ Monkey into man.
况且我是博士... Plus, I'm a doctor. And...
我还养过猴子 I had a monkey.
我就是猴子博士 I'm Dr. Monkey!
- 这点我不跟你争 - 好 - I'm not arguing with that. - All right.
可以了 我决定好了 I've heard enough. I've made my decision.
- 哦 - 好 请说 - Oh! - Okay, so what...? Do tell.
你们两个都是白痴 You are both idiots.
那个笑话不但不好笑 还冒犯了女性 The joke is not funny, and it's offensive to women.
还有医生 还有猴子 And doctors. And monkeys.
你们不该争笑话是谁的 You shouldn't argue over who gets credit.
应该争是谁让这世界受这种罪 You should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world.
别再争了 Now, let it go.
那个笑话烂透了 The joke sucks.
- 那是你的笑话 - 才不是 - It's your joke. - It is not.
- 钱德 你在这里 - 嘿 - Oh, my God, Chandler, there you are. - Hi.
是菲比和瑞秋 Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel.
你要不要告诉她们... Why don't you tell them...
你刚才说我并不难搞？ what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance.
摩妮卡是个自信沉着的女性 Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady.
跟她在一起就像在度假 Being with her has been like being on a vacation.
至于所谓的难搞... And what may be perceived as high maintenance...
只是注重小细节... is merely attention to detail...
和... and...
心灵的慷慨 generosity of spirit.
这真是我所听过最棒的假话 Wow. You know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard.
真的？我听过更棒的 Really? I've heard better.
等等 那是他自己说的 你告诉她们 Wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
我已经词穷了 可不可以重复就好？ I'm out of words. Should I say it again?
我一点也不难搞 Look, I am not high maintenance!
一点也不难搞 钱德 I am not. Chandler!
你是有点难搞 You're high maintenance.
你上黑名单了 You are on my list!
对不起 你并不... Look, I'm sorry, but you're not...
你并不好相处 但你很热情 You're not easygoing, but you're passionate.
这样很好 And that's good.
当你为小事不高兴时 我觉得我蛮能... And when you get upset about little things, I think I'm pretty good...
安抚你的 at making you feel better about that.
那样也很好 所以她们说你难搞也行 That's good too. They say you're high maintenance...
因为我喜欢... but it's okay, because I like...
搞定你 maintaining you.
我没叫他说这些 I didn't even tell him to say that.
- 啊 - 好 - Aw. - Okay.
- 你从黑名单除名了 - 我除名了 - All right, you're off my list. - I'm off the list.
菲比 Phoebe?
你不找我当女朋友也没关系 因为我有... It's okay that you don't want me to be your girlfriend.
最棒的男朋友 Because I have the best boyfriend.
我突然觉得你好迷人 You know, suddenly I find you very attractive.
兄弟 试镜结果如何？ How'd the audition go?
不好 Oh, not good. No.
我没拿到那个角色 这里的工作也没了 所以... I didn't get the part. And I lost my job here, so...
好惨烈的试镜 Wow, that is a bad audition.
这里的工作为什么没了？ Well, how did you lose your job here?
我要去试镜 I had the audition...
但阿甘叫我看店 他好去染头发 but Gunther said I had to stay so he could get his hair dyed.
但我还是去了 他就炒我鱿鱼 So I went anyway, and he fired me.
他扔下工作去办私事 He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand...
叫才来两天的你看店？ and left you in charge when you've been here two days?
这样不对吧 That's not right.
但是能怎么办？ What are you gonna do?
乔伊 你不能就这么算了 Joey, you can't let him get away with that.
我绝不放过他 我要去教训他 I won't let him get away with that. I'm gonna say something to him...
不 我不该多事 不 我要去教训他 I really shouldn't say anything. No, I should say something to him!
阿甘 让乔伊继续在这里打工 Gunther? I want you to give Joey his job back.
- 你这样解雇他很不... - 好 - That is really not fair that you have to fire him... - Okay.
- 什么？ - 他可以继续工作 - What? - He can have his job back.
没错 他可以继续工作 That's right, he can have his job back.
讲开了就好 Glad we got that all straightened out.
好了 乔伊 There you go, Joey.
- 你可以继续工作了 - 太好了 谢谢你 瑞秋 - Got your job back. - That's great. Thanks, Rach.
不赖吧？谁没个性了？ Pretty nice, huh? Now who's a pushover?
- 瑞秋 你坐到我的位子了 - 抱歉 - Rach, you're in my seat. - I'm sorry.
你们都没说会找谁当女朋友 Hey, I never got to hear who you'd pick to be your girlfriend.
- 我选你 - 没错 绝对是你 - I'd pick you, Phoebe. - Yeah, definitely you, Pheebs.
我也这么觉得 Yeah, I kind of thought.
- 没错 - 绝对是你 - Never. - It would totally be you.
嗨 Hey.
我有个问题 如果你们 要找其中个人当男朋友 A question: If you had to pick one of the other two to go out with...
你们会找谁？ who would you pick?
- 少来 - 我拒绝回答 - No way. - I'm not answering.
乔伊 Joey.
少来 我拒绝回答 No way, I'm not answering that.