亚马逊出品
衣柜字幕组 诚意奉献
现今流行的宇宙创造论指出 Current theories on the creation of the universe state
如果它真的是被创造出来 that if it were created at all and didn't just start,
而非不经允许私自诞生的 as it were, unofficially,
那么创世的日期就是140亿年前 it came into being about 14 billion years ago.
于是通常我们认为地球约有 The Earth is generally supposed to be
45亿年的历史 about 4 1/2 billion years old.
但这些日期都不对 These dates are incorrect.
一些中世纪学者将创世日推演到了公元前3760年 Some medieval scholars put the date of the creation at 3760 BC.
后来又有人将其推演到公元前5508年 Others put creation as far back as 5508 BC.
同样 这些说法也不对 Also, incorrect.
大主教詹姆斯·厄谢尔 Archbishop James Ussher
认为天国和地球 claimed that the Heaven and the Earth
都诞生于公元前4004年10月21日 星期天 were created on Sunday,the 21st of October, 4004 BC,
上午9:00 at 9:00 a.m.
这个结果同样不对 This too was incorrect,
差了将近一刻钟 by almost a quarter of an hour.
创世的时间是上午9:13 It was created at 9:13 in the morning.
这才是对的 Which was correct.
恐龙骨骼化石什么的都不过是个玩笑 The whole business with the fossilised dinosaur skeletons
但古生物学家们至今还没看出来 was a joke the palaeontologists haven't seen yet.
这证明了两件事 This proves two things.
第一 上帝从不跟宇宙万物玩骰子 Firstly, that God does not play dice with the universe.
他玩的是一种自己设计的不可言喻的游戏 I play an ineffable game of my own devising.
对其他所有人来说 就像是 For everyone else, it's like playing poker
在小黑屋里玩赌注无上限的纸牌游戏 in a pitch-dark room, for infinite stakes,
庄家不但没告诉你游戏规则 with a dealer who won't tell you the rules,
脸上还总挂着微笑 and who smiles all the time.
第二 地球是个天秤座 Secondly, the Earth is a Libra.
在我们这段历史开始的那天晚上 The entry for Libra in The Tadfield Advertiser
《塔德菲尔德广告报》中关于天秤座的运势预测如下 on the night our history begins reads as follows:
“你可能觉得精力不济 "You may be feeling rundown
生活乏善可陈 and always in the same daily round.
一位朋友对你来说至关重要 A friend is important to you.
你今天易受消化不良的困扰 You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today,
所以别吃沙拉 so avoid salads.
帮助将来自意想不到的方面” Help could come from an unexpected quarter."
这则预告完全正确 This was perfectly correct on every count,
除了沙拉那部分 except for the bit about the salads.
为了便于理解这段话 To understand the true significance
的真正意义 of what that means,
我们必须要从更早一点的时候开始 we need to begin earlier.
确切地说 是比6000年前稍微再早一点 A little more than 6,000 years earlier, to be precise.
就在刚刚创世之后 Just after the beginning.
一切开始于 也将终结于 一个花园之内 It starts, as it will end,with a garden.
在这个故事中 花园就是伊甸园 In this case,the Garden of Eden.
还有一个苹果 And with an apple.
去吧 Go on.
吃了这个苹果你就能…… This apple will give you...
这天天气不错 It was a nice day.
每天天气都不错 All the days had been nice.
创世未久 也就七天出头 There had been rather more than seven of them so far,
雨还没创造出来 and rain hadn't been invented yet.
但浓云聚集在伊甸园东方 But the storm clouds gathering east of Eden
预示着第一场雷雨将要降临 suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way.
而且势头显然不小 And it was going to be a big one.
行了 那家伙可算栽了 Well, that went down like a lead balloon.
抱歉 你刚才在说什么？ Sorry, what was that?
我说“行了 那家伙可算栽了” I said, "Well, that went down like a lead balloon."
哦 是啊 确实 嗯 Yes, yes, it did, rather.
依我说 有点反应过度了 Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me.
毕竟只是初犯啊 First offence and everything.
我就搞不懂了 I can't see what's so bad
明辨善恶有什么不好 about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway.
呃 肯定不好…… Well, it must be bad...
- 我是克蠕戾 -……克蠕戾 -Crawley. -...Crawley.
不然的话…… Otherwise...
你也不会引诱他们这么做 you wouldn't have tempted them into it.
哦 他们只是说“到那儿去找点麻烦” Oh, they just said, "Get up there and make some trouble."
对 没错 但你是个恶魔 Well, obviously. You're a demon.
那就是你的本性 It's what you do.
但是 全能的上帝做事也不够精细啊 Not very subtle of the Almighty, though.
在园子中间弄一棵果树 Fruit tree in the middle of a garden
然后刻上“别碰”俩字 with a "Don't Touch" sign.
我是说 干嘛不直接把这棵树放在山顶上？ I mean, why not put it on the top of a high mountain?
或者是月球上？ Or on the moon?
老让人好奇 上帝究竟想干嘛 Makes you wonder what God's really planning.
最好不要妄自揣度 Best not to speculate.
这都是终极计划的一部分 It's all part of the Great Plan.
不是让我们去明白的 It's not for us to understand.
本来就不可言喻 It's ineffable.
终极计划不可言喻？ The Great Plan's ineffable?
正是 Exactly.
无法理解 It is beyond understanding
不可名状 and incapable of being put into words.
你不是有把炎剑吗？ Didn't you have a flaming sword?
- 呃…… - 你有 对吧 那剑烧得跟什么似的 -Uh...-You did. It was flaming like anything.
剑呢？ What happened to it?
呃…… Uh...
弄丢了 是不是？ Lost it already, have you?
- 我送人了 - 你什么？ -Gave it away. -You what?
我把它送人了 I gave it away.
外面有凶猛的野兽 There are vicious animals.
还那么冷 而且她已经怀孕了 It's going to be cold out there. And she's expecting already.
所以我说 “拿去吧 这把炎剑 不用谢我 And I said, "Here you go. Flaming sword. Don't thank me.
愿阳光永远照耀在你们身上” And don't let the sun go down on you here."
我真的希望没做错 I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing.
哦 你可是个天使呢 Oh, you're an angel.
我觉得你不会做错事的 I don't think you can do the wrong thing.
哦 哦 谢—— Oh, oh, thank--
哦 谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
我一直为这事烦着呢 It's been bothering me.
我也很担心 I've been worrying, too.
如果“吃苹果”那档子事 What if I did the right thing
是件好事 怎么办？ with the whole "eat the apple" business?
一个恶魔如果做了好事 A demon can get into a lot of trouble
那可有大麻烦了 for doing the right thing.
要是咱俩都做错了 就有意思了 嗯？ It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?
如果我做了好事 而你做了坏事 If I did the good thing and you did the bad one.
不可能 No.
这一点也不好笑 It wouldn't be funny at all.
好吧…… Well...
《好兆头》讲述了人类历史 Good Omens, being a narrative of certain events
最后十一年某些事件纪实 occurring in the last 11 years of human history,
它与即将登场的 in strict accordance, as shall be shown,
《女巫艾格尼丝·风子 with The Nice and Accurate Prophecies
的精良准确预言书》完全吻合 of Agnes Nutter, Witch.
翻译 美少年
翻译 托曼
翻译 季叽馥疾己
翻译 堕天使雪诺
校对 北落师门
时间轴&后期 依依
时间轴&后期 宽油竹鼠
监制 北落师门
策划 临冬城的狮子
原著小说译者 马骁
好兆头
原著 特里·普拉切特 | 尼尔·盖曼
第一季第一集
开始 In The Beginning
我们的唠嗑拉呱龙门阵电台即将上线，敬请期待
这不是个黑沉沉的雷雨夜 It wasn't a dark and stormy night.
但是 千万别让天气愚弄了你 But, don't let the weather fool you.
这是个温和的夜晚 Just because it's a mild night
11年前
但不意味着邪恶势力不会出来活动 doesn't mean that the forces of evil aren't abroad.
他们会 They are.
他们会到处活动 They are everywhere.
此时就有两个恶魔潜伏在墓地边缘 Two demons lurk at the edge of the graveyard.
他们调整好了节奏 They are pacing themselves,
如果有必要的话 他们可以潜伏一整夜 and can lurk for the rest of the night, if necessary.
还能剩下足够的阴郁恶意 With still enough sullen menace left
最后冲刺一把 潜伏过整个黎明 for a final burst of lurking around dawn.
这家伙耍我们呢 Bugger this for a lark.
应该是他在等我们的 He should have been waiting for us.
你相信他吗？ Do you trust him?
- 不 - 那就好 -Nope. -Good.
如果世界各地的恶魔相信彼此 It'd be a funny old world if demons went around
那这旧世界就太搞笑了 trusting each other.
最近这家伙在上面把自己叫什么来着？ What's he calling himself up here these days?
克鲁利 Crowley.
他来了 这个发光的傻逼 Here he comes now, the flash bastard.
照我说 他上来呆的时间太长了 If you ask me, he's been up here too long.
他被同化了 太放纵了 Gone native. Enjoying himself too much.
他还戴着墨镜 其实根本没必要 Wearing sunglasses,even when he doesn't need them.
- 撒旦万岁 - 撒旦万岁 - All hail Satan.- All hail Satan.
嗨 伙计们 抱歉我来迟了 Uh, hi, guys.Sorry I'm late,
但你们知道的 德纳姆那条A40公路 but you know how it is on the A40 at Denham.
我试着拐进乔利乌德—— I tried to cut up towards Chorleywood--
吾等齐聚于此 必当细数今日恶行 Now that we art all here, let us recount the deeds of the day.
当然 Of course.
恶行 对 Deeds, yeah.
我诱惑了一名牧师 I have tempted a priest.
他走在街上时 As he walked down the street,
看到一群漂亮的女孩沐浴在阳光中 he saw all the pretty girls in the sun.
我把疑虑注入他的心灵 I put doubt into his mind.
他本会成为一名圣人 He would have been a saint.
但现在 不到十年我们就能得到他 Now, within a decade, we shall have him.
啊 干得好 Yeah, nice one.
我腐化了一名政客 I have corrupted a politician.
我让他觉得收点小贿赂算不了什么 Let him think that a tiny bribe wouldn't hurt.
不出一年我们就会得到他 Within a year, we shall have him.
嘿 你们肯定会喜欢这个 Right, you'll like this.
今晚我让伦敦地区的所有移动电话全部占线了 I brought down every London area mobile phone network tonight.
- 嗯？ - 对 这可不简单—— -Yeah?-Yeah. It wasn't easy--
这能帮我们的主人争取到更多灵魂吗？ And what exactly has that done to secure souls for our master?
哦 拜托 好好想想 Oh, come on,think about it.
一千五百万气炸了的人 Fifteen million pissed-off people
对着彼此互相撒火 who take it out on each other.
这种事真的是……毫无技术含量 It's not exactly...craftsmanship.
好吧 反正下面看起来也不在意 Well, head office don't seem to mind.
他们爱死我了 伙计们 They love me down there, guys.
时代在改变 所以…… Times are changing. So...
……到底什么事？ ...what's up?
这个 This is.
不会吧 No.
没错 Yes.
到时候了？ Already?
是的 Yes.
这是要交给我去……？ And it's up to me to...?
是的 Yes.
你了解我 听着 这…… You know, listen, it...
……真的不是我的舞台 ...really isn't my scene.
你的舞台 Your scene.
你是主角 Your starring role.
拿去 Take it.
就像你说的 Like you said,
时代在改变 times are changing.
时代总算是快要走到尽头了 They come to an end,for a start.
为什么是我？ Why me?
嗯 下面爱死你了 Well, they love you down there.
而且这是多好的机会啊 And what an opportunity.
这位利古尔情愿拿他的右臂换你的一晚上 Ligur here would give his right arm to be you tonight.
反正也是随便什么人的右臂 无所谓 Or someone's right arm, anyway.
在这里签字 Sign here.
然后呢？ Now what?
你会接到指示的 You will receive your instructions.
有什么好担心的？ And why so glum?
我们为之奋斗数百年的辉煌时刻 The moment we have been working for all these centuries
近在眼前了 is at hand.
数百年？ Centuries?
不朽的胜利时刻在向我们招手 Our moment of eternal triumph awaits.
胜利 Triumph.
而你将会是这光辉使命的一件工具 And you will be a tool of that glorious destiny.
光辉的工具 是的 Glorious tool. Yeah.
好吧 OK.
那么我该 呃 走了 I'll, um, be off then.
把它应付过去 Get it over with.
不 当然 我没有应付差使的意思 但是 No, I want to get it over with,obviously, but,
我也该走了 I'll be popping along.
很好 超棒 没错 Great. Fine. Yeah.
Ciao! Ciao!
Ciao：意大利语，意为“再见”。
这话什么意思？ What's that mean?
"Ciao" 意大利语 "Ciao", it's Italian.
意思是“食物” It means "food".
克鲁利原则上是完全赞成末日之战的 Crowley was all in favour of Armageddon in general terms.
但努力实现它是一件事 But it was one thing to work to bring it about,
末日之战真要发生 可就是另一回事了 and quite another for it to actually happen.
- 操 操 我操 操你妈的！操他大爷！ - 当皇后乐队 - Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit! - When Queen
发行了《波西米亚狂想曲》…… released "Bohemian Rhapsody"...
操 我操 我操！为什么是我？ Shit, shit, shit! Why me?
……在1975年 那是—— ...in 1975, it was because--
因为这是你应得的奖赏 克鲁利 You earned it, Crowley, didn't you?
你对M25号公路的所作所为简直是恶魔界的天才杰作 亲爱的 What you did to the M25 was a stroke of demonic genius, darling.
M25？好吧 不过…… The M25? Yeah, well...
是的 很高兴它崩溃得如此彻底 Yeah, I'm glad it went down so well.
你的指示如下 Here are your instructions.
这可是个大任务 克鲁利 This is the big one, Crowley.
亲爱的亚茨拉斐尔先生 这是您最喜欢的寿司卷套餐
谢谢您厨师先生 您真是太好了
嗯 Mmm.
- 介意我一起吗？ - 加百列？ -Mind if I join you? -Gabriel?
真是个意外惊喜 What an unexpected pleasure.
都有…… It's been...
很久很久没见了 没错 Quite a while, yes.
你为什么会吃这玩意？ Why do you consume that?
你可是天使 You're an angel.
这可是寿司 It's sushi.
多好吃啊 It's nice.
蘸点酱油 You dip it in soy sauce.
人们都这么吃呢 It's what humans do.
如果我要和他们一起生活的话 And if I am going to be living here among them,
咳 我也得装装样子呀是吧 ahem, well, keeping up appearances.
- 喝茶吗？ - 我不会用这些 -Tea? -I do not sully the temple
恶心的东西来玷污神圣的身体 of my celestial body with gross matter.
当然当然 Obviously not.
- 西装不错哈 - 是啊 我喜欢他们的衣服 -Nice suit. -Yes, I like the clothes.
可惜穿不了多久了 Pity they won't be around much longer.
是吗？ They won't?
据可靠消息 We have reliable information
有些事……迫在眉睫了 that things... are afoot.
- 这样啊？ - 是的 -They are? -Yes.
我的线人说那个恶魔……克鲁利 My informant suggests that the demon...Crowley
可能也参与其中 may be involved.
你得盯着点他 You need to keep him under observation
当然 不能让他发现你的意图 without, of course, letting him know that's what you're doing.
我知道 我知道 从一开始我就在地球上 I do know, yes. I've been on Earth doing this
- 干这事了 - 克鲁利也是 -since the beginning. -So has Crowley.
他现在还没发现你 可真是个奇迹 It's a miracle he hasn't spotted you yet.
当然 Yes, I know.
我们就是专门创造奇迹的嘛 Miracles are what we do.
认识一下迪尔德丽和亚瑟·扬 Meet Deirdre and Arthur Young.
他们生活在牛津郡塔德菲尔德村 They live in the Oxfordshire village of Tadfield.
亚瑟 还没到吗？ Are we there yet, Arthur?
我现在每隔四分钟来一次 I'm four minutes apart.
肯定是这个方向 It's definitely this way.
只是晚上路看起来不太一样了 It's just the roads look all different in the dark.
修女们说了 The nuns said to come in
如果每四五分钟来一次 就得过去了 when they were four to five minutes apart.
那不过是…… It's just an...
唔 我们还有没有鸡蛋水芹三明治？ Oh, do we have any egg and cress sandwiches?
还真有 Oh.
好疼！ Oh!
再认识一下哈丽特·道林 Meet Harriet Dowling
和她的丈夫 美国外交官撒迪厄斯·道林 and her husband, American diplomat Thaddeus Dowling.
深呼吸 亲爱的 深呼吸就好 Breathe, honey. Just breathe.
我在深呼吸了 塔德你这个天杀的！ I am breathing, goddamn it, Tad!
- 你为什么不在这？ - 亲爱的 我在呢 -Why aren't you here? -Honey, I'm with you.
我在你身边 只是我也在总统身边 I'm with you. I'm just also here with the President.
嗨 哈丽特 抱歉我们得借用一下你的丈夫 Hey, Harriet, sorry we had to borrow your husband.
孩子出生是世界上 Birth is the single most joyous
两个人可以共享的最美好的经历了 co-experience that two human beings can share,
我一秒钟都不会错过的 and I'm not going to miss a second of it.
塔德 该继续刚才的工作了 Tad, if we could get back to the matter at hand.
待会再联系 亲爱的 I'll get back to you, honey.
你应该陪着我 你个没用的臭婊…… You're meant to be with me, you useless son of a bi--
今晚的某一刻 At some point this evening,
道林夫人将会到达这里 Mrs Dowling will arrive.
一定会有特勤局特工保护她 She will undoubtedly have Secret Service agents with her.
你们都要确保他们不会发现任何问题 You are all to ensure that they see nothing untoward.
特蕾莎修女和我将在四号房间为道林家的孩子接生 Sister Theresa and I will deliver the Dowlings' child in room four.
一旦孩子降生 Once he has been born,
我们就把男婴从母亲身边带走…… we will remove the baby boy from the mother...
再把主人的孩子还给她 and give her back our master's child.
万事俱备 Everything is ready.
就在今晚 Tonight, it begins.
玛丽·饶舌修女？ Sister Mary Loquacious?
不好意思 院长女士 Yes, excuse me, Mother Superior,
我在想 另一个孩子从哪里来呢？ I was wondering where the other baby was going to come from?
说的不是这个美国小孩 很显然 我是说 Not the American baby. I mean, that's obvious.
他只是人类发生关系后的产物 It's just the birds and the bees.
the birds and the bees：通常指可对儿童解说的，有关两性关系的基本常识。
而是 你懂的 嗯…… But, you know, the, um...
克鲁利大人正在路上 Master Crowley is on his way
带着即将成为黑暗君王的孩子 玛丽修女 with our dark lord-to-be, Sister Mary.
我们只知道这些就够了 We do not need to know more than that.
我们是撒旦教修女 We are Satanic nuns
我们属于圣贝利尔唠叨修会 of the Chattering Order of St Beryl.
我们修会就是为今晚而创立的 And tonight is what our order was created for.
格蕾丝修女 Sister Grace,
你负责接待 you are on duty reception.
玛丽亚·唠叨修女和凯瑟琳·啰嗦修女 Sisters Maria Verbose and Katherine Prolix,
你们协助特蕾莎修女 you will assist Sister Theresa.
其余的人请各尽职责 The rest of you know your duties.
哦 救护车来了！ Oh, it's an ambulance!
各就各位 Places.
打扰一下 院长女士 Excuse me, Mother Superior.
我没有任务 可能是漏掉我了 I didn't get a job. Probably an oversight.
啊 是啊 Yes, of course.
这样吧 你确认一下饼干还有没有了 You could make sure there are biscuits.
带粉色糖衣的那种 The kind with pink icing.
我记得修道院的食品室里还有一罐 I think we had a tin in the convent larder.
安全 Clear.
- 深呼吸 亲爱的 深呼吸 - 我在深呼吸了 天啊！ -Breathe, dear, breathe. -I am breathing. Oh, God!
不好意思 我是迪尔德丽·扬 Excuse me. Deirdre Young.
现在每隔四——四分钟就子宫收缩一次！ Contractions are now four--four minutes apart!
哦！ Oh!
欢迎来到圣贝利尔教堂 扬夫人 Welcome to St Beryl's, Mrs Young.
我们以为您下周才会来呢 We weren't expecting you till next week.
就现在 我临产时亚瑟会陪着我 Now, Arthur will be with me while I'm in labour.
恐怕不行 I'm afraid not.
我们相信父亲在场 呃 We believe that fathers just, uh,
会让生产过程中每个人的工作都复杂许多 complicate the process for everybody.
我们会通知他何时进来 We'll let him know when to come up.
好吧 我不会跟修女们争的 Well, I'm not going to argue with nuns.
修女们知道她们在做什么 迪尔德丽 Nurses know what they're doing, Deirdre.
我会去看你的 等—— I'll see you when it's--
她会去到三号房间 She'll be in room three.
好的 Right.
祝——祝你们好运 Good-- Good luck.
要了解人类的事 这可能会有帮助 It may help to understand human affairs
要知道在历史上多数伟大的胜利和悲剧 to know that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history
都不是由完完全全的好人 are caused not by people being fundamentally good
或彻彻底底的坏人引起的 or fundamentally bad,
而是由真正的人引起的 but by people being fundamentally people.
你忘了关车灯 You've left your lights on.
哦 Oh.
嗬 真方便 Well, that's clever.
- 红外线遥控？ - 已经开始了吗？ -It is infrared? -Has it started yet?
- 嗯…… 她们让我出来 - 知道我们还有多长时间吗？ -Um... they made me go out. -Any idea how long we've got?
大夫 我想我们正在努力 I think we were getting on with it, doctor.
知道了 她在哪个房间？ Got it. What room is she in?
- 在三号房间 - 三号房 知道了 -We're in room three. -Room three, got it.
有一种用三张扑克牌玩的把戏 There's a trick they do with three playing cards
眼睛很难跟上 which is very hard to follow.
眼下 与此类似的戏码正要上演 And something like it, for greater stakes
只不过赌注要比一把零钱大得多 than a handful of loose change, is about to take place.
迪尔德丽·扬在三号产房 Deirdre Young is in delivery room three.
她刚刚生了一个金发男婴 She has just given birth to a golden-haired male baby
我们不妨叫“小孩A” we will call "Baby A".
哈丽特·道林正在四号接产房 Harriet Dowling is giving birth in delivery room four.
她生下了一个金发男婴 She is having a golden-haired male baby
我们叫他“小孩B” we will call "Baby B".
嘶 Psst.
玛丽·饶舌修女即将得到 Sister Mary Loquacious is about to be handed
一个金发男婴 我们叫他“神之大敌 a golden-haired male baby we will call "The Adversary,
诸王的毁灭者 无底深渊的天使 Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
此界的王子和黑暗之君” Prince of This World and Lord of Darkness."
- 就是他吗？ - 没错 -Is that him? -Yup.
我只是觉得他该有怪怪的眼睛 Only I'd expected funny eyes,
或者小小小小的小蹄子 or teensy-weensy little hoofikins.
或是小尾巴 Or a wittle tail.
就是他 It's definitely him.
多神奇啊我竟然抱着敌基督 Fancy me holding the Antichrist.
数着他小小的脚趾 Counting his little toesie-woesies.
你长得像你的父亲吗？ Do you look like your daddy?
我相信肯定很像 I bet he does.
你长得像不像你父系的人呀？ Do you look like your daddy-waddykins?
他不像 快把他带到三号房间 He doesn't. Take him up to room three.
三号房间 你觉得他长大后会记得我吗？ Room three. Do you think he'll remember me when he grows up?
祈祷他不会吧 Pray that he doesn't.
三个婴儿 Three babies.
看仔细了 Watch carefully.
来回来去地传递 Round and round they go.
玛丽修女 你在这做什么？ Sister Mary, what are you doing here?
你不是该把饼干带到餐厅去吗？ Shouldn't you be taking biscuits to the refectory?
克鲁利大人说把孩子带到三号房间 Master Crowley said to take the baby to room three.
那就快点送去 Well, get on with it, then.
生出来了吗？ Has it happened yet?
我是父亲 丈夫 都是 I'm the father. The husband. Both.
哦 已经生了 恭喜 Oh, yes. Congratulations.
您夫人睡着了 可怜的人儿 Your lady wife's asleep, poor pet.
双胞胎？什么？ Twins? What?
没人说会是双胞胎啊 Nobody said anything about twins.
哦不不不 这是您的孩子 Oh, no, no. This one's yours.
那个是……别人的 That one's... someone else's.
只是帮忙照看一下 Just looking after him.
不 不 这个孩子肯定是您的 大使先生 No, no, this one is definitely yours, your ambassadorship,
从他的脑瓜顶到小蹄子尖…… from the top of his head to the tips of his hoofy-woofies...
- 不过还没有长出来 - 哈 -which he hasn't got. -Oh.
全都 呃 健康完整 对吧？ All, uh, ahem, present and correct, is he?
哦 是的 他很正常 特别特别正常 Oh, yes. He's normal. Very, very normal.
是个男孩！ A boy!
总统先生 Mr President.
我有幸向您汇报 我现在是一名 I have the honour, sir, to report myself the father
含正常Y-染色体的小男孩的父亲 of a regular Y-chromosomed son.
现在 我们得把他带走一会 称称体重 Now, we just have to take him away for a minute to weigh him
还有些别的常规事项 and the usual.
现在这个男性小男孩的父亲 This father-of-a-male-boy-son
全心全意为您服务 总统先生 is all yours, Mr President.
哈丽特 太棒了！ Harriet. Yes!
孩子在哪？ Where's the baby?
给我力量吧 撒旦 Satan, give me strength.
你知道我们主人的孩子在哪吗？ Do you know where our master's child is?
玛丽·饶舌修女把他带到了三号房间 Sister Mary Loquacious has him in room three.
那 我们管这些叫饼干 Now, we call these biscuits.
但是你看见它们可能会说“哦 曲奇” But you'll be looking at them and going, "Oh, cookies."
我也叫它们饼干 I call them biscuits.
在人类的各种信息交流手段中 As methods of human communication go,
眨眼可以说奥妙无穷 the human wink is quite versatile.
比如说 特蕾莎修女的意思是…… For example, Sister Theresa's meant...
该死的 你跑哪去了？ Where the hell have you been?
我们准备好要掉包了 We're ready to make the switch,
你带着神之大敌 and here's you in the wrong room with the Adversary,
诸王的毁灭者 无底深渊的天使 Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
此界的王子和黑暗之君带到错误的房间 还有空喝茶 Prince of This World, Lord of Darkness, drinking tea.
而在她看来 And as far as she was concerned,
玛丽修女眨眼回复的意思是…… Sister Mary's answering wink meant...
这个孩子就是神之大敌 This child is the Adversary,
诸王的毁灭者 无底深渊的天使 Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit,
此界的王子和黑暗之君 Prince of This World and Lord of Darkness.
但是我现在不能说话 因为有外人在 But I can't talk now, because there's this outsider here.
另一方面 玛丽修女 Sister Mary, on the other hand,
以为特蕾莎修女眨眼 had thought that Sister Theresa's wink
的潜台词是…… was more on the lines of...
干得好 玛丽修女 Well done, that, Sister Mary.
你自己就把婴儿掉了包 Switched over the babies all by herself.
现在 把多余的孩子指示给我 Now, indicate to me the superfluous child,
我会把他带走 你就可以和 and I shall remove it and let you get on with your tea
尊敬的美国大使先生继续喝茶了 with His Royal Excellency, the American ambassador.
多余的宝宝推走啦 Extra baby removal.
而我继续说 But I'm wittering on.
这次任命之前 您在哪里效力？ Where were you before you took up this appointment?
斯温登 Swindon.
哦！ Ohh!
您的小家伙回来啦 洗干净称完体重了 Here's your little man back, all cleaned up and weighed.
看看我们的儿子 亲爱的 Look, honey. Our son.
他真漂亮 亲爱的 He's beautiful, hon.
多好看的小孩子啊 是吧？ What a little tyke, huh?
噢…… Oh...
看到他 我明白了 Seeing him makes me understand
生命中最重要的事 what's important in life.
不是工作 It's not work.
我会教他打棒球 I'm going to teach him to play baseball.
我们会在星期天出去钓鱼 And on Sundays, we'll go fishing.
塔德！ Tad!
对不起 亲爱的 我回头打给你 Sorry, honey, we'll call you back.
您必须给孩子起个名字 You must name the child.
我们打算叫他撒迪厄斯 Well, we were going to name him Thaddeus,
这是他爸爸和爷爷的名字 after his dad and his dad's dad.
戴米恩是个很棒的名字 Damien's an excellent name.
戴米恩·道林？ Damien Dowling?
太押头韵了 Too alliterative.
那就沃洛克吧 Warlock, then.
这是个很古老的英格兰名字 It's an old English name.
是个好名字 A good name.
你好啊 沃洛克 Hello, Warlock.
戴米恩？ Damien?
不好 我一直都比较喜欢更 No. I'd always fancied something more,
嗯 更传统的名字 well, traditional.
我们家总是取那种好听又简单的名字 We've always gone in for good, simple names
家族传统了 in our family.
该隐 Cain.
还挺时髦的 该隐 真的 Very modern sound, Cain, really.
呃 反正还有⋯⋯ Well, there's always...
我是说 亚当总可以吧 I mean, there's always Adam.
亚当？ Adam?
嗯 Hmm.
亚当 Adam.
唔！ Oh!
哎呀 Ooh.
看这里啊 小宝贝 Come on, little one.
迪尔德丽 你觉不觉得⋯⋯ Do you know, Deirdre, um...
我觉得叫亚当这个名字很适合他 I think he looks like an Adam.
哦 Oh.
你好呀 亚当 Hello, Adam.
让我们想象一下 It would be nice to think
修女们秘密找人收养了多余的婴儿 that the nuns had the surplus baby discreetly adopted.
他被养育成一个正常、快乐、笑口常开的孩子 That he grew to be a happy, normal child,
再长大成人 过上正常 and then grew further to become a normal,
而富足的生活 fairly contented adult.
没准事实就是这样的呢 And, perhaps, that is what happened.
没准他会因为他的热带鱼拿到什么奖呢 He probably wins prizes for his tropical fish.
呼叫亚茨拉菲尔 Call Aziraphale.
正在呼叫亚茨拉菲尔 Calling Aziraphale.
抱歉 伦敦的线路 Sorry, all lines to London
全部占线 are currently busy.
抱歉 现在并不是我们的营业时间 I'm afraid we're quite definitely closed.
亚茨拉菲尔 是我 Aziraphale, it's me.
- 我们得谈谈了 - 没错 - We need to talk. - Yes.
我认为咱们确实该聊聊了 Yes, I rather think we do.
我猜是因为—— I assume this is about--
末日之战 是的 Armageddon. Yes.
是个人都知道在伦敦 Everyone knows the best place
进行秘密会面的绝佳地点 for a clandestine meeting in London
永远都是圣詹姆斯公园 is, and always has been, St James's Park.
人们常说那里的鸭子早就习惯了秘密特工们的投喂 They say the ducks are so used to being fed by secret agents
习惯到已经建立起巴甫洛夫条件反射了 that they've developed Pavlovian reactions to them.
比如俄罗斯文化专员的黑面包 The Russian cultural attaché's black bread
就备受有鉴赏力的鸭子追捧 is particularly sought after by the more discerning duck.
克鲁利和亚茨拉菲尔已经在此处 Crowley and Aziraphale have been meeting here
会面过好多次了 for quite some time.
你确定是敌基督么？ You're sure it was the Antichrist?
我最有发言权了 是我把他带到了这世上 I should know. I delivered the baby.
呃 不是那个“带到世上” 你懂吧？ Well, not "delivered" delivered, you know?
是把他交出去 Handed it over.
美国外交官 An American diplomat.
真的假的？ Really?
就好像末日之战是部大片 As if Armageddon were a cinematographic show
你还准备尽量把它卖到更多国家 you wished to sell in as many countries as possible.
地球和地球上的每一个国家 The Earth and all the kingdoms thereof.
我们会赢 肯定的 We will win, of course.
你真这么希望？ You really believe that?
多明显啊 Obviously.
天堂永远能战胜地狱 Heaven will finally triumph over Hell.
最后一切都会很美好的 It's all going to be rather lovely.
我就很好奇 Out of interest,
你们天堂到底有多少顶级作曲家 how many first-class composers do your lot have in Heaven?
毕竟我们这边有莫扎特了 Because Mozart's one of ours.
还有贝多芬 Beethoven.
舒伯特 Schubert.
对了 巴赫全家 Uh, all of the Bachs.
他们的大作早就流传于世了 They have already written their music.
但你再也听不到了 And you'll never hear it again.
没有阿尔伯特音乐厅 没有格林德伯恩 No more Albert Hall. No more Glyndebourne.
格林德伯恩是英格兰东苏塞克斯郡的一处乡村别墅，建于16世纪初，20世纪初被改造为歌剧院。 从1934年起，每年会在这里举行格林德伯恩歌剧节。
只有你们天堂的和声 Just celestial harmonies.
- 嗯⋯⋯ - 这不过是 -Well... -And that's just the start
你们获胜之后损失的一点皮毛 of what you'll lose if you win.
再也没有那些了解你口味的精致小餐馆 No more fascinating little restaurants where they know you.
不能蘸着莳萝酱吃鲑鱼 No gravlax in dill sauce.
也没有古版书店 No more old bookshops.
在世界毁灭之前我们就剩下11年啦 We've only got 11 years, and then it's all over.
我们必须合作 We have to work together.
不行 No.
我们在说世界末日呢 好吗 It's the end of the world we're talking about.
又不是你去爱丁堡过节的时候 It's not some little temptation I've asked you to cover for me
我叫你帮我打马虎眼的时候给的那点小实惠 while you're up in Edinburgh for the festival.
- 你这次不能拒绝 - 就不 -You can't say no. -No.
我们得有所行动啊 我已经有法子了 We can do something. I have an idea.
不听！ 我没兴趣 No! I am not interested.
那就 吃个午饭吧 嗯？ Well, let's have lunch, hmm?
我还欠你一顿呢 自从…… I still owe you one from...
那次在巴黎 Paris.
1793年 1793.
是啊 恐怖统治时期 Yes. The Reign of Terror.
是我们干的还是你们干的来着？ Was that one of ours or one of yours?
记不清了 Can't recall.
那会吃的可丽饼不错 We had crepes.
唔 Mm.
真是太美味了 That was scrumptious.
那 接下来呢？ So, what are you in the mood for now?
喝酒 Alcohol.
好好喝一顿 Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol.
我还藏了几瓶挺不错的 I have several very nice bottles
教皇新堡在后屋里呢 of Châteauneuf-du-Pape in the back.
1921年我捡到了一打 I picked up a dozen cases in 1921,
专门留了一些给特殊场合 and there's still some left for special occasions.
不过天堂那边的酒也不怎么样 是吧？ Not very big on wine in Heaven, are they, though?
在天堂可找不到爽口的教皇新堡 Not going to get any more nice little Châteauneuf-du-Papes
也没有苏格兰单一麦芽威士忌 in Heaven, or single malt scotch,
就连⋯⋯小小一杯顶伞的鸡尾酒都没有 or little... little froufrou cocktails with umbrellas.
我说过了 克鲁利 我不会帮你的 Crowley, I've told you, I'm not helping you.
我没兴趣 跟你吃饭喝酒纯粹是社交 I'm not interested. This is purely social.
我是天使 你是恶魔 I am an angel. You are a demon.
我们生来就是死对头 We're hereditary enemies.
恶魔 退我后边去吧！ Get thee behind me, foul fiend.
Get behind me Satan：《圣经·新约》中耶稣常说的一句话。
你先请 After you.
那晚 亚瑟和迪尔德丽·扬 That night, Arthur and Deirdre Young
骄傲地带着自认为的亲儿子 proudly took the baby they believed was theirs
回到了宁静的英国小村庄 塔德菲尔德 home to the quiet English village of Tadfield.
此刻敌基督来到这世上已有24小时了 The Antichrist had been on Earth for 24 hours.
与此同时 在伦敦市苏活区 一个天使和一个恶魔 While in London's Soho, an angel and a demon
已经抱着最后六瓶佳酿喝了个酩酊大醉 had been drinking solidly for the last six of them.
所以 你……你到底想说什么？ So, what... what exactly is your point?
我想说—— My point is--
想说 海豚啊 My point is, dolphins.
我要说海豚 That's my point.
它们的大脑 可真是…… Big brains, the size of...
够大的 很大的大脑 damn big brains.
更别提鲸鱼了 简直是大脑之城啊 那些鲸鱼 Not to mention the whales. Brain city, whales.
海中巨妖 Kraken.
哦哟 特别大的大怪物 Ooh, great, big bugger.
据说会在末日降临时会浮上海面 Supposed to rise up to the surface.
浮⋯⋯浮啊浮到海面上 Right... right up at the end,
海水这时候一直在沸腾 when the sea boils.
我就是这个意思啊 Well, that's my point.
整个海洋都开了锅了 Whole sea bubbling.
海豚啊 鲸鱼啊 The dolphins, the whales.
海中万物都煮成了鱼滩—— Everything turning into bouillab--
鱼塘——淌—— Bouill-bouillab--
烫—— Bouillab--
鱼乱炖 得了 也怪不得它们 Fish stew. Anyway, it's not their fault.
大猩猩也是 And that's the same with gorillas.
它们在那嗷嗷叫 好像在说…… They say, like, "Whoop". They say a lot of--
天怎么红了啊 怎⋯⋯ Sky's gone red. There's...
怎么星星在往地上撞啊 stars crashing down.
他们都往香蕉里放了什么啊？ And what are they putting in bananas these days?
这世上的动物啊 大大小小的动物 They're All creatures, great and small.
而且你知道更可怕的是什么吗？ And you know what's worse?
等末日之战结束 When it's all over,
你还要熬过永恒！ you've got to deal with eternity!
永恒？ Eternity?
是啊 最开始可能还没那么糟糕 Yeah, it won't be so bad at first.
虽然永恒的头几晚恐怕看不到 Although no Stephen Sondheim
斯蒂芬·桑德海姆（1930-）， 美国著名作曲家及剧作家， 曾经获得奥斯卡最佳原创歌曲奖、 七次托尼奖、托尼奖戏剧终生成就奖， 多次获得格莱美奖。 其代表作包括音乐剧《理发师陶德》、 《西区故事》、《吉卜赛人》等。
史蒂芬·桑德海姆的音乐剧 first nights in eternity, I'm afraid.
但是我听到流言说你上司 Although, I have heard rumours that your boss
可爱看《音乐之声》了 really loves The Sound of Music.
你想在无穷无尽的时间里只看这一部音乐剧吗？ You fancy spending eternity watching that?
有这工夫你还不如去爬山呢 You could literally climb every mountain
一座两座三四座 一座又一座 一座一座座 over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
我并不想这样啊 I don't like it any more than you do,
但我说过了 我不能违——不做那些要求我做的事 but I told you, I can't diso-- not do what I'm told.
我是天使嘛 我⋯⋯ I'm an angel. I...
上帝啊 我—— Oh, God, I--
我一喝多就说不清楚话 I can't cope with this while I'm drunk.
我得醒一下酒 I'm going to sober up.
嗯 我也是 Yeah, me too.
哈丽特带着婴儿沃洛克回到了他的新家 Harriet Dowling took baby Warlock to his new home,
伦敦的一处政府官员宅邸 an official London residence.
我们的任务已经完成了 哈斯塔大人 Our mission is done, Lord Hastur.
哈斯塔在《好兆头》中是堕天使、地狱公爵，是向美国作家H·P·洛夫克拉夫特（1890-1937）创造的 克苏鲁神话体系中的同名邪魔致敬。哈斯塔最初出现于安布罗斯·比尔斯（1842-1914）的小说《牧羊人海塔》 和罗伯特·钱伯斯（1865-1933）的小说《黄衣之王》中， 又名“无以名状者”、“黄衣之王”、“遥远的欢宴者”及“深空星海之主”。
婴儿就位了 The baby is in place,
他的父母完全没有察觉 and his parents are none the wiser.
那么 这座修道院也没必要存在了 是不是？ Well, no need for the convent any longer, then, is there?
- 我好像—— - 解散修会 - I'm afraid I-- - Dissolve.
- 什么 - 我命令你们解散 -What? -Your order is dissolved.
- 我们什么？ - 你可打住吧 -We're what? -Now hang on a moment.
我们按照要求都照做了 We did everything that was asked of us.
奖励呢？ What about our reward?
烦死了 So irritating.
你嘴怎么都闭不上 是吧？ You never shut up, do you?
我们这是唠叨修会 We are a chattering order.
我们想到什么就得说什么 We say what is on our minds.
而现在我想说的是 And right now, what's on my mind
你不能这样对—— is that you can't treat us like--
你要不要去告诉她们 Would you like to tell them
修会已经解散了？ that the order is dissolved?
还是说 你想看着她们活活烧死？ Or would you rather that they all perish in the fire?
哪来的火？ What fire?
就算我想帮你 我也帮不了 Even if I wanted to help, I couldn't.
我不能干涉神圣计划 I can't interfere with the Divine Plan.
那么 邪恶计划呢？ Well, what about diabolical plans?
你怎么肯定阻挠我 You can't be certain that thwarting me
不是神圣计划的一部分呢？ isn't part of the Divine Plan, too.
我是说啊 每次魔王使出什么诡计 I mean, you're supposed to thwart the wiles
你就得去破解 是不是？ of the Evil One at every turn, aren't you?
也是…… Well...
发现诡计 你就去阻挠 我说得对吗？ See a wile, ya' thwart. Am I right?
我……广义上吧 I... Broadly.
实际上 我会鼓励人类去实施—— Actually, I encourage humans to do the actual--
现在敌基督已经诞生了 But the Antichrist has been born.
不过教育才是重点 教育过程中的影响 But it's the upbringing that's important, the influences.
邪恶的影响 The evil influences,
肯定是我去施加 that's all going to be me.
要是被谁给破坏了 那可就太可惜咯 It'd be too bad if someone made sure that I failed.
你要这么说的话…… If you put it that way...
我去阻挠你 天堂自然是不会干预我的 Heaven couldn't actually object if I was thwarting you.
对咯 你的翅膀上还会添一根闪亮的羽毛 No. Be a real feather in your wing.
我们也算是教父了 We'd be godfathers, sort of,
监督他的成长过程 overseeing his upbringing.
要是方法得当 他既不会太邪恶 We do it right, he won't be evil.
也不会太善良 就普普通通的 Or good. He'll just be normal.
好像可行啊 It might work.
当教父 Godfathers.
呵 我还真是遭天谴了呢 Well, I'll be damned.
习惯了就没那么难过了 It's not that bad when you get used to it.
5年后
距世界末日还有六年
我听说你们需要个保姆 I understand you need a nanny.
有人说你们好像在招聘园丁 They do say as you might be looking for a gardener.
哟！沃洛克少爷！ Oh! Young master Warlock!
你长得好快啊 You're growing fast.
你现在应该…… You must be all of, um...
五岁 我五岁了 Five. I'm five.
那是什么呀？ What's that?
哦 那是鸽子弟兄 Oh, that's Brother Pigeon.
还有蜗牛弟兄 And Brother Snail.
啊 这是鼻涕虫姊妹 Oh, and Sister Slug.
你要记住 沃洛克少爷 Now, you remember, young Warlock,
在你的人生之路上 as you grow,
你的爱与尊重是要给予 to have love and reverence
世上所有生命的 for all living things.
可保姆说所有生命 Nanny says living things
都只配被我的脚跟踩碎 方济各弟兄 are only fit to be ground under my heels, Brother Francis.
哼 可别听她胡说 Well, don't you listen to her.
你要听我的 You listen to me.
可以给我唱首摇篮曲吗 保姆？ Will you sing me a lullaby, nanny?
可以啊 宝贝 Of course, dear.
睡去吧 Go to sleep
让苦痛入梦 And dream of pain
梦见宿命与黑暗 Doom and darkness
梦见鲜血与脑浆 Blood and brains
甜甜睡去吧 Sleep so sweet
我亲爱的孩子 My darling boy
你会统治世界 You will rule
直至地球终结 When Earth's destroyed
园丁说我要对世间一切生命亲切友好 The gardener says that I must be kind and nice to everybody.
对鼻涕虫姊妹也是 Even Sister Slug.
也不可以毁灭地球 And not ever destroy the Earth.
别听他的 Don't listen to him.
听我的 Listen to me.
世上有众多门路可带领你通往天堂或地狱 There are many doors that will take you to Heaven or to Hell.
但克鲁利和亚茨拉菲尔 But when Crowley and Aziraphale report in an official capacity
向他们可敬的总部报告情况时 to their respective head offices,
总是从正门进 they take the main entrance.
和我们说说那孩子 沃洛克 Tell us about the boy, Warlock.
他是个不同凡响的孩子 别西卜大人 He's a remarkable child, Lord Beelzebub.
-他邪恶吗？-极其邪恶 -But is he evil? -Fantastically evil.
杀过什么人吗？ Killed anyone yet?
呃……还没有 Uh... not yet,
但是邪恶不仅仅只是杀人 吧？ but there's more to evil than just killing people, eh?
也许 I suppose.
但那好玩 But it's fun.
你有没有遇到过麻烦…… Have you encountered any problems from the...
比如另一边的人？ ...opposition?
他们一点儿都没起疑 They don't suspect a thing.
我可以骄傲地说 I am proud to say
甚至不带半点夸张 that on a very real level,
敌基督那孩子 the Antichrist child
如今正被引向光明那一面 is now being influenced towards the light.
值得称道 亚茨拉菲尔 Very commendable, Aziraphale.
-和往常一样出色 -是的 -Excellent work, as usual. -Yes.
不过 亚茨拉菲尔 如果你失败了 But, Aziraphale, we will be most understanding
那也是情有可原 when you fail.
毕竟 战争得靠赢取 After all, wars are to be won.
不能靠躲避 Not avoided.
但我不会失败的 But I won't fail.
我是说 失败可就糟了 I mean, that would be bad.
亚茨拉菲尔 你所做的值得褒奖 Aziraphale, what you're doing is praiseworthy,
但显然是注定失败的 but obviously doomed to failure.
但是 正如全能上帝喜欢说的 Still, as the Almighty likes to say,
“攀登每座高山” "Climb every mountain."
“渡过每条河流” "Ford every stream."
那孩子太普通了 The boy's too normal.
太好了 起作用了 Excellent. It's working.
来自天堂的影响和地狱相互平衡了 The heavenly influences are balancing out the hellish.
零比零的平局 A no-score draw.
但愿如此 I hope you're right.
只剩六年了 Only six years left to go.
-克鲁利 -怎么？ -Crowley. -Yeah?
我是说 如果他得到了全部力量 I mean, if he comes into his full power,
到时候我们怎么阻止他？ how do we stop him then?
我相信不会走到那一步的 I'm sure it won't come to that.
现在
星期一
距世界末日还有六天
请 勿 舔 墙
-他真大 -他是我们手上最大的一头 - He's big. -He's the biggest we've got.
只有最好的才配得上我们的小主人 Only the best for our young master-to-be.
你说他饿不饿？ Do you think he's hungry?
只有一种办法可以搞清楚 Only one way to find out.
你 进里头去 You. Get in there.
-我？ -对 对 你 -Me? -Yes, yes, you.
小心他的牙 Watch out for his teeth.
喔 Ooh.
反正你提醒他要小心牙了 It's not like you didn't tell him to look out for the teeth.
我觉得他饿了 I think he was hungry.
沃洛克 你在听我说话吗 宝贝儿？ Warlock, are you listening to me, honey?
看看他们以前是怎么描绘恐龙的模样的 Look what they used to think dinosaurs looked like.
-无所谓啦 -他们很古老 又有教育意义 -Whatever. -They're old and educational.
-很蠢 -这不蠢 宝贝 -It's dumb. -It's not dumb, sweetie.
-这是恐龙 -蠢龙才对 -It's a dinosaur. -Dumbasaur, more like.
我们能聊聊我的生日派对吗？ Can we talk about my birthday party?
我的生日派对为什么不能办成密室逃脱？ Why can't we have my party in an escape room?
宝贝 我再讲最后一次 Honey, for the last time,
我们已经雇了一名…… we've already hired a...
可是 妈妈…… But, Mom...
好吧 我们都已经尽力了 Well, we've done everything we can.
现在我们只能等着他的生日到来 All we can do now is wait for his birthday.
那头地狱犬会是关键 The Hell Hound will be the key.
它会在星期三下午三点出现 Shows up at 3:00 on Wednesday.
没错 Right.
你以前可没怎么提过地狱犬 You've never actually mentioned a Hell Hound before.
哦 嗯 Oh, yeah.
嗯 他们要送他一条地狱犬 Yeah, they're sending him a Hell Hound
陪伴左右 保护他不受伤害 to pad by his side and guard him from all harm.
-哦 -他们那最大的一头 -Oh. -Biggest one they've got.
突然出现一条大黑狗 Won't people remark on the sudden appearance
不是会引人议论吗？ of a huge black dog?
比如说 他的父母？ His parents, for a start?
没人会注意到的 这就是现实 天使 No one will notice anything. It's reality, angel.
小沃洛克可以随心所欲地对待它 And young Warlock can do what he likes with that,
不管他自己有没有意识到 whether he knows it or not.
那会是一切的开端 这孩子注定要给它命名 It's the start of it all. The boy's meant to name it.
呃……暗夜猎手 裂喉者 类似的名字 Um... Stalks by Night, Throat-Ripper, something like that.
不过你我二人圆满地完成了任务 But if you and I have done our job properly,
他应该不取名就把它送走 then he'll send it away unnamed.
要是他给它取了名呢？ What if he does name it?
那你我二人就失败了 他会得到所有力量 Then you and I have lost, he'll have all his powers,
末日之战指日可待 and Armageddon will be days away.
肯定有什么办法能阻止这事 There must be some way of stopping it.
如果没有什么孩子…… If there was no boy...
那整个过程就会中止 then the process would stop.
对 可这孩子已经在了 就在那边 Yes, but there is a boy. He's over there,
往恐龙介绍上写脏话 writing a rude word on a description of a dinosaur.
是啊 现在那孩子是在 Well, there is a boy now.
但这是可以改变的 That could change.
可能会有意外发生 Something could happen to him.
我是说 你可以杀了他 I'm saying you could kill him.
我从来没有真正地……杀死过任何东西 I've never actually... killed anything.
我不觉得我能做到 I don't think I could.
为了拯救万物也不行？ Not even to save everything?
一条命…… One life...
跟一整个宇宙相比 against the universe.
总之 那条地狱犬 Then, this Hell Hound,
会在他的生日派对上现身？ it'll show up at his birthday party?
-嗯 -好吧 那我们最好也去 -Yeah. -Well, then we should be there.
也许我可以阻止那条狗 事实上 我可以来点表演 Maybe I can stop the dog. In fact, I could entertain.
别 别 别 拜托 千万别 No, no, no. Please, no. No.
我只需要重新练习一下就行 I just need to get back into practice.
哦 别 别 别玩魔术 Oh, no, no. Don't do your magic act.
拜托 拜托了！ 我真是求你了 Please. Please! I'm actually begging you.
你不知道那得有多丢人 拜托 You have no idea how demeaning that is. Please.
-在你指缝里 -不 在你耳朵里 -In your finger. -No, it was in your ear.
-在你口袋里 -在你耳朵边上 -It was in your pocket. -It was close to your ear.
你根本没靠近过我耳朵 Never anywhere near my ear.
你真没意思 You're no fun.
-意思？ -对啊 -Fun? -Yes.
这是自取其辱 It's humiliating.
你明明能施展魔法 You can do proper magic.
你能让东西消失 You can make things disappear.
可那就没意思了 But it's not as fun.
干脆让你消失算了 Make you disappear.
他去哪儿了？ Where has he got to?
他在这儿……什么地方？ Is he in here... somewhere?
星期三
在这儿呢！哈！那—— There he is! Ha! This--
这些一会儿我们再玩 We'll come back to that one.
你们看 这是我的旧礼帽 You see, it's me old top hat.
可是 等等 But, wait.
这又是什么？ What's this?
难道是 Could it be
我们毛茸茸的老朋友 our old furry friend,
兔子哈利？ Harry the Rabbit?
它在桌子里 It was in the table.
你说会来个有名的魔术师 You said there was gonna be a celebrity magician.
我的派对可是请了潘恩与泰勒 还有耳机蹦迪 I had Penn and Teller at my party, and I had a silent disco,
潘恩与泰勒，美国著名双人魔术师搭档。他们也以支持无神论而闻名。
-我这有个—— -你真菜 -and I got a-- -You're rubbish.
说什么呢 说什么呢 Excuse me, excuse me.
对啊 他说得对 你真的很菜 He's right, you know. You are actually rubbish.
五 四 Five, four,
三 二 一 three, two, one.
我们没时间了 The time is upon us.
一旦那孩子给猎狗命名 As soon as the boy names the Hound,
末日之战就会开始 Armageddon will begin.
去吧 找到你的主子 Go. Find your master.
他还没回来？ He's not back yet?
他还在猪背林 和朋友们玩 He's down in Hogback Wood, playing with his friends.
我早和他说了要在茶点前回来 I've told him to be home by teatime.
那 好吧 等他回来叫我一声 Right, well, give me a shout when he gets back,
我们可以点起蜡烛 then we can light the candles.
史上最棒的11岁生日 That was the best 11th birthday ever.
要我说 都已经算是场灾难了 It was all a bit of a disaster, I'm afraid.
胡说 你给了他们所有人一场难忘的派对 Nonsense. You gave them all a party to remember.
也是他们的最后一场了 Last one any of them will ever have, mind.
晚了 It's late.
放在袖子里就是这个结果 Comes of putting it up your sleeve.
不会 No.
地狱犬呢 The Hell Hound.
它来晚了 It's late.
……天空岛 你准备开始—— ...Isle of Skye, and your time starts--
-你好 克鲁利 -呃 你好 哪位？ -Hello, Crowley. - Uh, hi. Who's this?
大衮 苍蝇之君 Dagon, Lord of the Files,
酷刑之主 Master of Torments.
哦 我就是想问问那头地狱犬的情况 Yeah, just checking in about the Hell Hound.
它现在应该在你们那边了 He should be with you by now.
怎么？出了什么问题吗 克鲁利？ Why? Has something gone wrong, Crowley?
问题？没有没有没有问题 能出什么问题？ Wrong? No, no. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong?
哦 我看见它了 对 Oh, no, I see him now, yes.
真是条可爱的大地狱犬 What a lovely, big helly Hell Hound.
好啦 行了 很高兴和你聊天 Yes, OK, great talking to you.
没有狗 No dog.
弄错了孩子 Wrong boy.
他们要找的那个的孩子正和朋友们在树林里玩 The right boy was playing in the woods with his friends.
毕竟 这是他的生日 After all, it was his birthday.
猪背林是他们的伊甸园 Hogback Wood was their Eden,
没有大人来干扰他们玩乐 where they could play unbothered by adults.
这些孩子们自称“他们” The children called themselves the "Them".
佩帕 布赖恩 温斯利戴 Pepper and Brian, Wensleydale,
还有小寿星 找到了这个据点的孩子王 and the birthday boy, their leader, who found their den
他还发明了最好玩的游戏……这就是亚当 and invented the best games of all... Adam.
今天是我的生日 我一定会收到一条狗 It's my birthday. Of course, I'm gonna get a dog.
你永远都不能想要啥有啥 You never get what you want.
我以前想要辆自行车 我说明白了 I wanted a bike, and I asked for it.
我告诉他们要剃刀式座子 And I told them I wanted a razor blade saddle,
要十二档变速等等 and 12 gears and everything.
结果你知道他们给了我什么？ And do you know what they got me?
一辆女式自行车 带个篮子 A girl's bike. With a basket.
但你就是个女孩子啊 佩帕 But you are actually a girl, Pepper.
这是性别歧视 That's just sexist.
我想要只狗 I want a dog.
哦 对 然后你爸妈 Oh, right. And your mum and dad
就会给你那种大个的罗威纳 对吧 亚当？ are just going to get you a big old Rotten-weiler, then, Adam?
我不想要大狗 I don't want a big dog.
我想要那种可以跟你一起玩的 一条小狗 I want the kind of dog you can have fun with. A little dog.
而且是绝顶聪明的狗 I want a dog that's brilliantly intelligent,
可以钻进兔子洞里 可以学会很多把戏的狗 and can go down rabbit holes, and I can teach tricks.
而且我要叫他…… And I'll call him...
就是这一刻 命名 And this is the moment. The naming.
这会赋予它生命的意义 功用和身份 This will give it its purpose, its function, its identity.
这一刻将会拉开末日大战的帷幕 This is the moment that sets Armageddon into motion.
地狱犬发出一声低沉的嘶吼 The Hell Hound growls a low, rumbling snarl
满溢着威胁 of spring-coiled menace.
那是从一方喉咙底部发出 The sort of growl that starts in the back of one throat
以深入另一方喉咙结束的吼声 and ends up deep in someone else's.
我想我会叫他“狗狗” I think I'll call him "Dog".
这种名字能省不少事 Saves a lot of trouble, a name like that.
那又怎么样 狗会自己出现？ And, what, this dog's just gonna turn up?
没准 Maybe.
过来 伙计 过来 Here, boy. Come on.
末日大战近在眼前 Armageddon is days away,
我们却弄丢了敌基督 and we've lost the Antichrist.
为什么地狱那帮家伙非要把我牵扯进来？ Why did the powers of Hell have to drag me into this anyway?
这个嘛 别说是我说的 不过我肯定 Well, don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure
是因为你一直递交的那些小条 it's because of all those memos you kept sending them,
把你干的事都夸出花来了 saying how amazingly well you were doing.
他们从来不检查 倒是我的错咯？ Is it my fault they never check-up?
他们从来不检查 反倒怪我咯？ I'm to blame they never check-up?
每张送上去的小条都添油加醋 Everyone stretches the truth a bit in memos to head office.
-你知道的 -是啊 但你对他们说 -You know that. -Yes, but you told them
是你发明了西班牙宗教裁判所 you invented the Spanish Inquisition
还发动了第二次世界大战 and started the Second World War.
人类抢在我前头下手 又不是我的错 So the humans beat me to it. That's not my fault.
有什么东西变了 Something's changed.
哦 是我的新古龙水 我的理发师推荐的 Oh, it's a new cologne. My barber suggested it.
不是你 我知道你什么味儿 Not you. I know what you smell like.
地狱犬找到了他的主子 The Hell Hound has found its master.
你确定？ Are you sure?
我感觉到了 我对你撒过谎吗？ I felt it. Would I lie to you?
这个嘛 显然啊你是个恶魔 撒谎是你的职业 Well, obviously. You're a demon. That's what you do.
没 我没撒谎 那个孩子 不管他在哪 No, I'm not lying. The boy, wherever he is,
已经收到了狗 has the dog.
他已经给它命名了 一切都结束了 He's named it. It's done.
他会获得他全部的力量 He's coming into his power.
我们完蛋了 We're doomed.
那 好吧…… Well, then...
欢迎来到末日 welcome to the end times.